I'm using this post to turn over a new leaf. It seems I have little choice. I was told by a friend at work that my site was mentioned on some daytime talk show the other day. If I don't get off my fat butt and actually properly update this on a daily basis now I will lose any momentum I may gain from those brief few seconds of fame.

In essence all my posts and all the stories people share here can be reduced to communication issues. Lack of communication, lack of understanding or misunderstandings, etc. Here we discuss this under the context of two people who live on the same street in the same town in the same country. By this alone they share common experiences and culture that (in theory) should help bridge communication barriers.

The concept of "stupid neighbours" however is not related to Main Street. We have the Isreali/Palestinian conflict as the most glaring example of this on a national, cultural and religious scale. Yet in essence the conflict there is territorial, and at a macro level is the 'Protection Barrier' any different from two Suburban neighbours arguing over their property line?

More tomorrow...

TV SHOW WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORY

Do you have a neighbor that you really don’t see eye to eye with? Have you tried to settle your differences but still remain at each others throats? If this sounds like your situation our celebrity host would love to hear about it. We would want to talk to both sides and provide some easy and helpful ways to resolve your issues.

Please contact kanstroom1@yahoo.com

Amanda Writes:

My husband and I moved into our home in September of 2005. It is a middle class suburban neighborhood and all of the homes are 7 years old or newer and range from 3-5 bedrooms. At the time, the neighbors didn’t seem half bad. I work odd hours in the IT field as I frequently am “on-call” and have to come and go at all hours of the day and night to fix IT problems. My husband comes from a wealthy family, is semi-retired and only works when he feels like it. We have a mutual friend who rents a room in our basement as well.

One of our neighbors called the police claiming that my husband doesn’t leave the house and that greatly concerned them. They questioned how we could afford anything if he doesn’t leave the house, apparently our incomes became their business. They also claimed there was “short stay traffic” coming and going at odd hours of the day and night, and they claimed that we were drug dealers. The police started taking our garbage near the curb at night from our driveway garbage can. Just to clarify, no one in our home does drugs. Two of our neighbors do however. The police found 0.03oz of marijuana in our garbage that someone discarded (not by us). Apparently this was enough for a search warrant to raid our home.

How the marijuana got there? Who knows! We got raided at gunpoint, in our underwear. They found nothing. They also confiscated our meat scale from my kitchen claiming it was used for measuring drugs. Mind you the scale weighs in pounds (lbs) and is made for measuring meat. They were grasping at straws at this point and trying to justify a reason for being there.

A neighbor came over one day and told my husband that she heard in the neighborhood that he was a sex offender. My husband has a clean criminal record, as do I. Apparently someone was having fun spreading rumors. Just to note, I have two college degrees and my husband went to medical school with a full scholarship but quit for personal reasons. We are highly intelligent people yet we get treated like dirt by our neighbors.

We had a friend visit our home that lives outside the neighborhood and one of our neighbors came over and asked our friend if he was “moving in too?” Apparently we have too many people living in our home and our neighbors disapprove. It’s a 5 bedroom home, and only 3 individuals live in the house.

So this summer my husband decided to make some home improvements. He ordered supplies for new siding and windows and roof and had them delivered. The neighbors called the city claiming we don’t have a building permit. First of all, he hadn’t even STARTED fixing anything, the house was untouched. Just because we have supplies in our driveway doesn’t mean we need a permit if the house is still untouched. The city slapped a notice on our door (with the persistence of a neighbor or two) saying they would threaten legal action if we don’t get a building permit.

My husband went to the city, asked for a specific law that states that we are required to have a building permit for having materials in our yard. They had none. He got a building permit anyway just to keep them quiet. The lady at the front desk asked if it was a “quick flip” as far as fixing the house, he told her people in general need to mind their own business and walked out.

Needless to say the situation hasn’t gotten any better. If anything it’s gotten worse!

Ca1v1n Replies:

That totally sucks about your home getting raided. The funny thing is, I would bet that all your neighbours if asked would call themselves "Good Christians". Funny how their behaviour is anything but. Since they already think you are drug dealers I suggest your husband start wearing white suits and stand on the front step yelling "Say hello to my little friend" as people walk by.

Kyle from Detroit writes:

My wife and I moved into this beautiful old colonial house in a Detroit suburb. When we moved in the neighbor Randy was a nice guy we learned to trust him and even gave him a key to our home. One night about 4 months after we moved in I had a friend over and we were enjoying a couple of beers and smoking on the front porch having a conversation at a usual level (not being loud). Then the next evening at about 2:00 am Randy is drunk as a skunk yelling at the entire neighborhood and using racial slurs. My wife and I went out side to calm him down and send him to bed. When he looks directly at us and yells at us for keeping him up the previous night. Eventually the police show up and get him back into his house. The following morning I bought him a case of beer and left it in the backyard with an apology.

Ever scence then he has called the police on us at least once a week for nothing at all. I have seen him outside throwing tomatoes at my dogs and kicking the fence then calls the police because our dogs "run aggresivly at the fence". He called the cops because there was dog feces in our yard but we clean up the backyard every other day. One evening he called the cops because there was a stray dog in on his front porch barking so he said our dogs was making the noise. The police officer actually showed up and tried to give us a ticket. I explained that the dog was not ours and was still sitting on his front porch.

What can I do? The worst part of this whole thing is HE IS A RETIRED POLICE OFFICER.

Ca1v1n Replies:

First things first. Either get back the key you gave him or get new locks installed. Next thing you know he is planting drugs in your house and phoning in a "tip". Seriously however, I am at a loss. You gave the guy a case of beer and he gets worse? I thought everybody loved beer. It is like a universal peace offering. All you can really do at this point is kill him with kindness, but don't waste any more alcohol on him. I suggest decorative tea cosies and ornamental porcelain figurines.

Michelle writes:

I came across your blog when I was searching the Internet for information on what recourse I may have regarding my completely obnoxious neighbors (who happen to be renters) whom I really, really, really can't stand.

They are truly negatively impacting my quality of life along with lowering my property value. Unfortunately I haven't found the 'easy' answer I've been looking for, but at least I have a place I can vent and blow off some steam.

My husband and I purchased our home two years ago in the Bay Area. This was NOT an easy task given the crazy housing market and it was something we saved for and worked towards for so very long. We made many, many sacrifices and were elated to move it to our home. One of the big selling points was the deck in the backyard, we love to sit out there drinking cocktails, enjoying the views of the East Bay foothills and the bay itself.

For the first year we had pretty decent neighbors, though we were sandwiched between two renters. One neighbor treats her home as if she owns it. It's beautifully landscaped and she is extremely considerate (she has two teenage boys, both of whom have really never created any type of disturbance). The tenants in the house on the other side of us were three men, ranging from the ages of early 30s to late 50s, who shared the house. They were easy enough to live next to. They worked all day, usually played poker in their garage until about 10 pm after work, and then retired for the night. Occasionally on the weekend they would have a party, no big deal, as we like to do the same.

Well, after a year of blissful living and many times openly declaring to each other that we were lucky to have such good neighbors, we found out that all but one of the men were going to move out because the oldest man wanted his family from the Appalacian Mountains to move in. This constituted his mother, wife, two young boys, teenage daughter, two dogs, and some cats. All moving into a home that's about 1000 sq. ft. These folks are white trailer park trash of all white trailer park trash. How in gods name can such losers afford to live in the Bay Area which is one of the most expensive places to live in the US, even for renters?

Not only are the dogs not housebroken but they crap all over the backyard and never clean it up so the stench is unbearable on warm days. They also bark CONSTANTLY! I have never in my life wanted to hurt an animal until now.

The two boys (7 and 9 and both illiterate and look inbred or are at least crack babies) are the loudest human beings I have had the misfortune to come across. I've never heard anyone scream the way they do. There is only four feet between our homes, and I can hear the boys in the morning when they get up and I can hear them when I'm trying to go to sleep. The parents and grandmother don't seem to know how to communicate without screaming, usually obscenities, at the young children.

The teenage daughter is complete trash as well. She's about 15, does not go to school, does not work, and appears to not do anything at all other than watch tv inside all day long. The parents claim they had to pull the kid out of school because it was too dangerous. Anyone who is above the poverty level sends their kids to private schools because the public school systems are so bad in the Bay Area. (While I feel for your neighbour problems not being able to afford private education isn't a crime and is a symbol of the failure of our government to maintain a heathly public school system, the failure of citizens to demand it, and our collective failure to recognize that some things are worth higher taxes - Ca1v1n)

The dogs have never ever been walked. The children have never been taken to a park or playground even though there are three within walking distance of our home. The children aren't involved in any community oriented sports, arts, or music programs. They all just stay cooped up in their dilapidated shithole shack of a house screaming at each other.

Why spend the kind of money it requires to live in the Bay Area if you're just going to stay cooped up in a crappy rental? You can do that anywhere. It makes no sense to me. They don't go to the bay, they don't wine taste, they don't go to Lake Tahoe, they don't go into San Francisco, they don't go hiking. (I make good $$$ and wouldn't be caught dead at a wine tasting. It is a shame however these kids don't get taken to the California Academy of Sciences or The Exploratorium - Ca1v1n) They do nothing. Absolutely nothing

On many occasions I have written letters to the landlord complaining about them and asking that she evict them. I think she has an obligation to the property owners of our neighborhood to rent to decent people who respect their neighbors and maintain the standards of the neighborhood. But I never end up sending them. I doubt she would do anything even if I did. After putting up with this for over a year, I think the time has come to take action.

Thanks for reading my rant,
Michelle

Christine Writes:

How I needed your site. It made me actually feel better about having an insane sociopath for a neighbor. May I vent? Pretty please?

I've got someone special living across the street from me. I wouldn't have believed this woman existed a year ago, but here I am. I moved into a new house in a new state eight months ago, and was more than willing to look past any oddness in the interest of making new friends. That was my first mistake.

Candy, let's call her, made my acquaintance when I was in my front yard. I caught her rummaging through decorative stones at the house next door that was up for rent at that time. She explained herself by saying she liked to collect heart-shaped rocks. Within just a few minutes she had let me how she'd left her first husband and two boys behind to pursue her "real" life, whereupon she was forced to became a stripper working the bachelor party circuit (she got a boob job to facilitate this pursuit). She now had a legitimate job selling makeup. I am open minded and didn't have a problem with the stripper bit, but I wondered why she "felt I ought to know." Wtf?

The third time we met she proceeded to tell me how she was supposed to get married to the man she was currently living with across the street (in his house along with her daughter, who is a product of a one-night stand). She was getting cold feet because he hardly touched her anymore and almost seemed repelled by her sexually. She also had had a tempting offer from an old friend to "hook up," because he had recently divorced his wife and wanted Candy to know he'd always had a thing for her.

Heavy details for an acquaintance, and yet I did not run screaming the other way. Brainless on my behalf, I'll grant you. Right around this third meeting I began to notice her penchant for looking around my house and asking "was I using that?" because she could really use one and noticed I wasn't really using mine. I gave her many items which were nice pieces but were mostly occupying space in my basement, and gave them gladly. But soon she began taking things she told me she liked that I WAS using. She'd borrow them, make a photocopy or take it to buy one that looked just like it and then bring it back. A few things just disappeared, and I think I know where they are. She also asked me to help her rearrange her house because I was "so great at it."

I began backing off from the friendship, the word she used to describe our relationship, not I. It was then that I began witnessing her moseying away from my other neighbors' houses carrying armloads of household items, clothing, what have you. And "Isn't it great; I really needed this and they weren't even using it!"

And I finally noticed that whenever she came over, she came loaded with agendas, and didn't leave until she had gotten the item or promise or whatever. Suddenly too came a wave of new stories, one special one about how she'd gotten her driver's license suspended for not having her proof of insurance in her car, even though she'd gone to court to show said proof. Now she wanted rides everywhere, as long as I was already going. She hit my neighbors up, wouldn't take no for an answer, and once she got in your car, she would begin a litany of reasonable requests for stops that turned into hours of waiting for her to get her business done. She made neighbors late to pick their children up at daycare, miss appointments and was always extremely late in picking up her own child. Her story didn't add up. I only took her out twice, as did my neighbors. .

At last we neighbors started comparing notes. Every story she told one of us was told differently to another of us. Recently, as one of them drove her around, she bragged about how great it was that she got whatever she wanted, and extolled the virtues of being a doer who never took no for an answer. This, to me, explained her in a nutshell.

Soon after, Candy began sending her four-year-old daughter over to my house or one of the other neighbors' houses and then would drive away in her car (which by her own admission she wasn't allowed to drive) without saying a word. She might be back in an hour. She might be back in six hours. I was outraged.

Here is where we are today. Yesterday I let her have it, let her know in clear language how thoroughly she has violated every one of my boundaries with her behavior. She began to kiss my butt wholeheartedly, as usual. She is the queen of kiss ass. She said she had come to apologize to me for anything she'd done. She appreciated my feedback and that she could take criticism better than most, and that she dearly cherished our friendship and wouldn't purposely do anything to jeopardize it. Then she walked away and strode purposefully over to my next-door neighbor's house (who has three children, aged three and under), left her child there playing with the neighbor's kids and snuck off while the neighbor was distracted, driving away without saying a word. She hadn't wanted to apologize at all. She'd planned on dumping her daughter at my house again until I let her know where I stood.

I can only hope that she wasn't lying when she told me she was planning on moving to be closer to her sons next year.

Yours most confoundedly,

C. Munro

(P.S. I left out a lot in the interest of brevity. There is so much more, but I hope the highlights have entertained. It would be the only good thing to come out of having this nightmare of a neighbor.)