My wife called me at work today. I guess one of our neighbours had rang the doorbell. When she answered the door the guy yells...

"Is that your goddam black dog?"

Not "Hello..." or "Hi, I live a few doors down and..."

You see, we don't have a fence right now. Well we do, but there are huge holes in it. We bought the house that way (with a broken fence). It is on the agenda to be repaired. I even have all the materials in the garage. I'm just waiting for a weekend without snow or rain so I can get it done.

So we let our dog out into our yard and the honest truth is he doesn't stray. He stays in our yard. Not because he is trained to or anything, but because he is a calm and friendly (and old) dog who just needs to go outside every now and then. Usually he sits on the grass and does a whole lot of nothing.

I guess yesterday however this cat from down the street wandered into our backyard. Our dog of course chased the cat. Not a snarling, barking chase but a "hey lets play" chase. He chased the cat two doors down, which is further then he has ever strayed.

So the neighbour comes knocking on the door, and not in a nice way going on about my "goddam dog". He was rude, sputtering, and crusty. To my wifes credit she held her ground. She explained that our dog would never hurt his poor cat. She explained that we planned on fixing the fence as soon as we could. She apologized for the inconvenience. Yet the guy kept coming...

So then she asked what his cat was doing in our yard in the first place? Doesn't he understand that by allowing his cat roam outdoors he is taking some inherent risks and should accept that? She mentioned that his cat spends alot of time sitting on our front porch which upsets our animals. (We've been woken up many times to the sound of our cat screaching at this invader she sees outside the window... this of course causes our dog to bark... its a vicious escalation)

So she basically told him to piss off and to keep his cat off our property or he is fair game.

The thing is, if the guy had come to the door and said "Hi, I'm your neighbour from two doors down. I just noticed your dog chase my cat into my backyard. I've never seen him before and I hate to complain but I love my cat and if anything were to happen..."

Of course we would have apologized and told him it would never happen again.

Either way, I guess I finally have to fix that fence this weekend... rain or shine.

Cyndi writes:

I have 2 large dogs. One of which the neighbors would call over to their yard and feed steaks etc. When the house (at that time we were renting) was for sale, they offered to keep him if we couldn't take him. (Sounds great so far)

Well suddenly they decided that the dog has to stay out of their yard (no fence). Then as the dogs had to be tied, she would come over and complain that it is cruel they are tied. She would also bring them food like they were starving, but they already had a full dish. (I wonder if they are now upset because you wouldn't give them your dog?)

When they find shit in their yard (lots of neighborhood dogs roam free and even poop in our yard) they would call us to come over and clean it up. Then they even put shit in a box and put it on our front porch with writing on the box that said they would call the health department and police. (That makes no sense. They know your dog is tied up because they complain about it. WTF? I suggest the old "flaming bag" trick next time they do this. Take the poop, put it in a paper shopping bag. Leave the bag on their front step, light the bag on fire, ring the doorbell, and run! When they open the door the first instinct will be to stomp out the flames.)

I've told her to stay out of my f*#&ing yard many times and even today there was an confrontation. I told them again to stay out of my yard and slammed the door in their face twice. Then they found it nessessary to add some firewood to our firewood pile?? (This must be their way of making up for being assholes?)

I've looked briefly on the net for "things to do to piss off your neighbor" (where i found your blog) but they are just goofy pranks. I just detest these brain dead folks. My hubby did overhear her call to another neighber one day as his dog shat on the bushes near her driveway "Bert, we need to talk...." She proceeded to tell him his dog craps in her yard and the dear old man looked at her and said.." Yeah, dogs do that!"

As funny as it is that the old man replied with that it is still rude. I own a rather large dog myself and I always make sure to pick up after him no matter what. I found that folks in small towns are far less likely to pick up after their dog then in the big city (which makes sense when you think about it) but either way I think it is just plain rude.

Now I am lucky that my specific situation at my current house is a bit different. Neither my neighbour or I have a fence. He has a dog even bigger and stinkier then mine. For some reason my dog shits in his backyard and his dog shits in mine. We are not sure why but thats just what happens. No fights here however, we both laugh about it all the time. I try to "de-poop" my yard about once a month, a bit less in winter when everything is covered with snow. Right now is perfect weather. The snow here has melted but it still is slightly below freezing... easy to pick up. It is key to get the yard cleaned up before the spring thaw when everything is soggy and muddy and a real mess.

I just realized that when I changed the template recently I lost the info on how you can send me your story for publishing. Nothing fancy, just email me at ca1v1n@hotmail.com and I'll post it up.

Being a good neighbour isn't always about the folks next door. If you work in a modern office environment (cubicle farm) like I do being a good neighbour takes on a whole different meaning.

Anybody have a "farter" in the cube next door? Or someone who listens to one of those horrid 'easy listening' radio stations? How about the girl with her entire cube plastered with photos of her slimy looking boyfriend and post-it notes with hand drawn hearts and stars in multi-colored marker?

Someone who picks their nose when they think nobody is watching?

The guy who reaches into his pants and scratches his sack under the desk?

The 'snacker' who has a desk covered with crumbs, coffee stains, and the remains of unknown sticky substances?

The guy who never covers his mouth when he sneezes and you swear you can see snot splatter patterns on the cube wall?

The fat, smelly guy who has a chair that has permanent 'butt marks'?

The old saying goes "Good fences make good neighbours" but that isn't always the case. Being a good neighbour isn't just about staying out of the way or staying hidden.

Sometimes being a good neighbour is alot like being a good friend. For example, telling the truth no matter how much it hurts or warning someone who is about to make a huge mistake.

You don't do this because you are trying to prove a point, or to show one side is right or wrong, it is because you care.

I received a rambling and incoherent letter from a reader today. Normally I would edit and post but it was so bad I would have spent too much time and energy doing a proper editing job. So in a nutshell here is the concern... (paraphrased)

My neighbour and I both enjoy our backyard decks. Due to the way our houses were built my deck is close to the fence while his is more in the exact middle of his backyard. My neighbour recently moved his BBQ over against the fence. I can only assume he did this to minimize the smoke that could disturb anyone sitting on his deck. However his BBQ is now just a few feet from where my picnic table is located. He could easily locate the BBQ somewhere else in his backyard, and when I asked him politely he basically told me to piss off.

BBQ pollution is a serious matter. How many times are you enjoying your backyard only to be disturbed by a neighbour who simply does not know how to properly cook a steak?

I'm still getting used to small town living. One thing I realize I miss about the "big city" is that municipal governments have a bit more influence on your daily life. I'm no advocate of government interference in personal lives but there are some examples of when this is a good thing.

Case in point, shoveling your sidewalk. When I lived in both Toronto (Pop 2.2 Million) and Kitchener-Waterloo (Pop 300,000) there were municipal bylaws regarding the requirement that all property owners shovel their sidewalks within 24 hours of a snowfall.

Sure there were some people who never did it but for the most part everybody complied with the bylaw. If there were complaints to the city they would send a crew out and shovel the sidewalk in front of the offending house, and send the tenant a bill. This wans't done at minimum wage either, these were city workers and that is a union gig. The bill could be several hundred dollars.

Now I live in a very small town (Pop 900) where there is no municipal bylaw regarding shoveling your walk. I seem to be one of the few folks who takes the time to get this done after each major snowfall. Not just because it is the right thing to do (I cringe at the thought of some poor old lady slipping in front of my house or a kid getting hit by a car because their only choice was to walk on the street) but because shoveling snow is really one of the few forms of exercise I get.

I'm going to try to figure out how I can get a citizens initiative on the ballot in our next municipal election.