DICKHEAD IN PHILADELPHIA

The Stupid Neighbour Blog would like to ask for our readers patience over the next couple weeks. The day job is taking up most of my time right now due to a big project launch. Regular updates should resume in a couple weeks. Until then once or twice a week at maximum.

Michael writes:

I don't even know where to fucking start as this situation has got me so upset. My fiancee and I have been living on the top floor in a two story duplex in Philadelphia. For the first 9 months our neighbor below was actually really cool with us. Hell, before getting a job, he would even take our trash out. How he afforded to live there for so long unemployed, we don't know.

So time went on right? Then on black Friday, this past November 2007, my fiancee and I went shopping and left the apartment at around 5:30-6am. We were out most of the day and we got home around 2:00pm, maybe 3:00pm. So we enter the place and our neighbor's door is right at the main door to get in. Well when we entered his door was open and he was sitting on his couch with a jacket on, legs & amrs crossed with this look of disgust on his face. He immediately stood up and came over and said; "When you get a chance, can I talk to you for a moment?" I said; "Sure, no problem. Just give us a minute to get these bags upstairs." We're both were thinking; "Hmm...I wonder what he wants. Maybe to go out for a drink after a bad day?" Nope. So I go down and say you know, hey what's up. So he explains: "When you guys left this morning you slammed the door and my picture fell off the wall. Yeah, the glass shattered and went everywhere." I said; "Sorry man...I don't remember slamming it but, I'll take your word." So he then says; "Yeah well, this isn't the first time it has happened. I'm kinda tired of cleaning up glass." So I offered to pay for it, I even pulled money out from my pocket and pleaded to pay for it but, he denied it. He said; "Don't worry about...I actually like it better without the glass." I put my money away, and was a little weirded out by that and said; "Okay, from now on I'll make sure we'll be more cautious with the door."

Now we both are pretty certain that we didn't slam it but, we didn't want to look like the asshole you know? So about a month goes by, and during that time, we noticed that HE began slamming the door. Often times very hard. So we just let it go and laughed about it saying: "Oooookay. This guy is funny." So again...time went on but not much until we got the 2nd complaint. Keep in mind at this point, he still didn't work. I left for work in the morning at 6:30 and heard him moving around. SO later that day my fiancee calls me and tells me he complained to her specifically saying; "I can hear you walking around with high heels. Can you stop walking so hard?" So this pissed her off. She explained to him that she doesn't wear heels, and two, we're casually walking not stomping and she brought up that he has been slamming the door after complaining that we were doing it. He denied it of course and she ended up being late for work because she missed her bus.

With that complaint, we decided to buy padding and carpets so we wouldn't have to deal with this fucking guy and simply move on. We ended up spending almost $400 despite our place being pretty small. The night before the carpets were installed, we even wrote the neighbor a courtesy letter letting him know the carpets we're being installed the next morning. About 2 weeks after getting carpets installed, I had my cousin over on a Saturday night, we were listening to Magical Mystery Tour and had a few drinks, it was about 8pm. Guess who calls? Our landlord! He says; "Hey Mike how are you? Can you do me a favor? I'm getting complaints from the neighbor, could you turn your music down please?" I bit my tongue and said yes. I had the Beatles playing on surround but the bass was turned off and the volume was at 12, the max volume is 50. We ended up just going out becuase I was so fucking angry. This incident coincides with this neighbor's brother playing his music obsenely loud, his brother happens to live nextdoor, lucky us. They're both in their 40s too, these aren't kids. So once again time goes on, but not much.

This past Wednesday we get another complaint. This neighbor called our landlord, our landlord gave him our number and told him to ask politely about the noise. When he called us at 7pm, he asked to speak with me. So meanwhile I'm literally recovering from choking on food I was eating, so I wasn't as talkative on the phone and as defensive, I simply wanted to get off the phone. So he asks me what that noise is that rolls across our floor in the bedroom 2-3 o'clock in the morning. I tell him, "It's a chair at our computer desk. Why?" So he says; "Yeah, well when you guys are rolling across your floor everynight, it wakes me up. I work 10 hour days and I think its rude." I told him we're not doing it to be rude. I mean, I don't know how to deal with this guy. He's a nitpicking fucking asshole. We've accomodated his every complaint and yet he still complains.

We feel we're living like Anne Frank in an attic and it has even affected our relationship as we are actually fighting about this whole situation. What the hell are supposed to do? There are things that he has to deal with and vise versa. We hear him do things as well as other neighbors, but we mind our own business. We're realistic and he is obviously a fucking dickhead. His attitude is like, he's the only one that fucking works. I hate him... I fucking hate the guy

Ca1v1n replies:

You hit the nail on the head when you said "we accomodated his every complaint and yet he still complains". You said it yourself, this guy is a nitpicking dickhead. The key to responding to a neighbours complaint is to ask yourself honestly... and this can be difficult for some folks who are unable to judge a situation as an outsider... honestly look at the situation and ask yourself... is this complaint justified? Is it realistic? Is it reasonable?

For example, if it had been 2am when you and your buddy were rocking out to the Beatles, and the bass was on and the volume was turned up enough for you to hear the music from more then a couple feet away from the outside of your hallway door... then yea, perhaps his complaint would be realistic. And as awesome as John, Paul, George and Ringo sound at 2am after a couple beers and a couple puffs of the magical mystery weed it might be a good idea to turn it down.

If you had been rolling back and forth on your office chair from the computer desk and the coffee maker on the other side of the room, stopping to spin around in circles and giggle, or otherwise pretending your chair was a roller coaster ride then yea, perhaps his complaint would be realistic. If you really are a late night writer (I know I am) then a rubber mat may be a good idea but can't stop living your life you know what I mean?

If your wife was into Irish dancing and was practicing for tryouts with Michael Flatley's Riverdance, then yea, perhaps his complaint would be realistic.

No matter what you do this guy is going to try to take you for more. The only advice I can give you is to push back. If it is 8pm and the landlord is calling, advice him that the local noise bylaw provides you the freedom to listen to your music until 11pm (as an example) and tell the landlord he is welcome to come by and judge for himself to determine if the noise complaint is reasonable. If this guy complains about noise from your stereo and you can truly say to yourself that the sound is at a reasonable level, then tell him so firmly but politely.

You get my point... good luck!