ALMOST FORGOT

I honestly had forgotten about this blog. Almost 9 months since my last post and then in the mail the other day comes a cheque from Google for Adsense revenue. It was a bit of a surprise to say the least. Not only had I not updated in months but for some reason people were still reading old posts and generating traffic and thus Adsense revenue. Sure it was only the minimum $100 but I looked at it as free money. Not that I saw a dime of it. My wife told me I got a cheque from Google after she had spent it.

So news? When did I last post? Back in January I managed to get a big promotion at work. Apparently I am a Director now, a member of the "Senior Leadership Team" whatever that is. I'll let you know when I figure it out. So far if someone was going to ask me what it all means I would chalk it up to "more stress, more work, and more accountability". Not that any of those are necessarily bad things. Isn't what everyone wants in their job is the ability to impose change? Build a better organization? I have the power to do that now, or at least advocate for it in a more effective bargaining position. In the end it is all still a power play, a little politics, some ego stroking, and some ass kissing. Most important is to have tangible and actionable ideas. Not that any of this should be a bulletin from the newsroom or anything. Common sense if you ask me.

NEIGHBOUR HEADLINES

I stumbled across an interesting article from an Australian newspaper today about large suburban homes being converted into backpackers hostels and the subsequent complaints from neighbours about endless parties, noise and filth. This issue has some striking similarities to the stories out of many large cities of what happens in the neighbourhoods immediately surrounding Universities and Colleges where often large homes are converted to student apartments. That being said even at the most notorious 'party schools' the students do settle down to study sometimes and I don't recall hearing about any stories where 32 people were living in a house with only two toilets.

Good news for sick pedophiles in Canada. It is still illegal to kill you in a rage of vigilante justice. Word of advice however is to not let your neighbour borrow your computer.

Finally, next time you are fuming about finding dog poop on your lawn courtesy of a neighbour's canine just be happy you don't live in rural Mississippi.

MOST EXPENSIVE $80 YET

A Colorado man loaned his neighbour $80. After waiting patiently for much longer then would be considered acceptable for repayment of the debt and believing he had been cheated Jack Herbst decided to take matters into his own hands... by driving a Front End Loader into the side of his neighbour's house and parking it in their living room. Police estimate damage at $250,000.

LAWN BOY

A man who lives in Florida was upset because he felt his neighbour was not maintaining his lawn to a high enough standard. When complaining went nowhere he started mowing and watering his neighbour's lawn himself. When he was asked to stop he refused so eventually the police were called. When they asked him to stop he refused and decided to pick a fight with the police. Two black eyes, a 10,000 volt jolt from a Taser and a resisting arrest & trespassing charge later we think that Joseph Florence will probably not be providing free lawn care anytime in the near future.

It snowed again here in SW Ontario on Friday but was warm this weekend and now most of the snow has melted again. I honestly can't wait for Spring. I have some big plans, including an expansion of the raised beds and a serious attempt to expand the garden significantly. I'd like to expand from my usual Tomatoes, Cucumbers and Bell Peppers into Corn, Squash, Potatoes and Beans. Now if my municipality would just pass a backyard Chicken bylaw.

JUSTICE IS SERVED

It will be a sad day in Canada when Street Hockey is made illegal. Therefore kudos should go David Sasson who took the fight over a $75 fine imposed against his kids for a street hockey game to court. While he was victorious the law remains on the books. Unfortunately this is just another example of the 'Nanny State' mentality that has taken over so many aspects of our lives. The playgrounds that I used as a child have been deemed unsafe and bulldozed to make way for ugly plastic lumps with rounded corners... and we wonder why our children now resemble those same structures... plastic, lumpy and round.

CHECK THIS OUT

The British Colombia Court of Appeal has ruled that a couple who lives in a condo complex in the city have no right to sue their neighbour because of his "staring". Apparently Leo Lavigne would often stop outside the residence of Peter and Meah Martin and stare at them. No word on if the Martin's are nudists but what we do know is they have floor to ceiling windows. The whole case raises an interesting question on the distinction between staring and 'peeping'. Mr. Lavinge was never accused (for example) of hiding in the bushes and staring into a bathroom window hoping to get a flash of skin or anything like that. By all accounts he simply stood on the sidewalk, often with his dog on a leash beside him, and stared unsmiling into their front window. He also never made any verbal threats or threatening gestures. My advice to the Martin's is to invest in some curtains.

SIEG HEIL NEIGHBOUR

A California man has been arrested for violating a court order regarding harassing and annoying his neighbour. Apparently a long-standing quarrel over home renovations escalated to include vandalism and a system of security cameras. Eventually one party decided they couldn't take it anymore and attempted to rent their house so they could escape the situation. In order to scare away would-be renters the accused started displaying a Nazi swastika flag in his window.

BAD SANTA

This story out of the U.K. is a bit old but hit the headlines (and my attention) today because the court case has wrapped up with "Santa" found guilty on two counts of criminal damage. Just a few days before Christmas last year a man in a Santa suit was caught on closed circuit cameras slashing the tires on his neighbour's car. He may have gotten away with the crime if the same CCTV cameras had not also caught Lee O'Reilly putting on the suit and adjusting his fake beard.

Neighbour Mailbag - The Vandals

Madraga writes:

I came across your blog while I was searching for ways to deal with neighbors that are "vandals". I just want to share my woes in the hopes that you'll have suggestions on how to deal with them.

I live in a subdivision. I have a neighbor that lives right across from my place who has always been greedy about parking. Their home is on a corner lot so the side I see directly across from my home is the right side of their house. We have a Homeowner's Association and there is an agreement that for houses that have corner lots, the homeowner may only choose one side as their designated guest parking spaces.

Unfortunately the association has not been that strict in the implementation of rules around here so my neighbor was parking their car in all available streets surrounding their home. They park their car directly across from my driveway so entering my garage is difficult. They also parked their cars on the cul de sac near my home which is at the back of their lot, so this over crowds the whole street, again making it difficult for me to enter and exit. In effect they are parking on all sides instead of choosing just one.

Whenever another car is parked in of their favorite spots they call security and ask that the spot be vacated. It's not like they don't have a garage. In fact, they have a 4 car garage. If you count their designated guest parking, you can park another 2. There have been discussions (well, more like heated arguments on the resolution of the parking situation) but they refuse to follow rules.

I mentioned to my neighbor that she may only choose 1 side of the street as her parking spot and that her practice of parking all over the streets surrounding her house is not allowed. She then said that she's choosing the side across from my home. I gave in since she obviously leaves the street in front of her home as free parking space. Apparently this was not good enough for her.

I had a party one time (probably a few months ago) and my cousin parked in the only available spot, which was near their front door. My neighbor left us no choice, they parked it all over the street making it impossible to find any other place to park but the vacant spot near their front door. Well, the vandals did what only vandals do... they scratched the side of my cousin's car with a key. I have a witness who saw the incident but a criminal case was never filed. They denied scratching the car. The association saw this as an opportunity to settle the issue and called in a lawyer to help in the settlement. It was then agreed that they were no longer allowed to park across from my house. Their designated guest parking will the on the street in front of their front door. They were also asked to not park their cars in the cul de sac area since that place is used as a driveway.

We never spoke to each other ever again, every now and then they'd violate the rules and park their cars in the cul de sac area but I never bother about it. They never tried to park across from my place again. I figured out a new way of parking my cars into my garage but once a car is parked from across of my house, the whole street will be clogged. It was the only way to fit my cars into my tiny garage.

I had another party the other day, the first since the date of the scratching incident, this time my guests parked across from my home. After the dinner, we discovered that my guest's car was also scratched. There were no witnesses this time. There may be doubt as to who really scratched the car but the only people who will have a motive to do it is them. The car came in perfect condition and my guest had to leave with giant scratches on their car. My guest did not park on her front door. He parked on my driveway. Apparently she's pissed that she lost the battle and is resorting to underhanded and cowardly tactics to win her battle.

I'll have my revenge soon... The next time this happens, I will definitely file a criminal action. How I wish I was a vandal as well. I could strip their car paint and slash their tires but I don't see the point in continuing the vicious cycle. I'm a lot of things but not a vandal. I guess the only solution is to wait and be ready for concrete evidence.

That's my stupid neighbor story.

~Madraga.


Well Dear Readers, any advice to help deal with Madraga's vandal problem? I'm thinking shit-box car with some preexisting damage and a closed circuit video camera is all it would take to catch the vandals in the act. Then approach them with the evidence and/or involve the authorities.

The fact is that time and time again parking issues (from shared driveways to street parking) are one of the most common causes of conflict.

Neighbour Mailbag - Family Tree

Wendy writes:

I just thought I'd drop a line to say that sometimes neighbours can be the best thing that ever happened to you. We moved into our cul-de-sac 20 years ago. After having had neighbours from hell in the past, we strove to be friendly, but cool, with the peeps around us. My twin daughters were 13 years old. Two years after we moved in, we got new neighbours, with 13 and 11 year old sons. My girls, being that much older ..15 at the time.., would have nothing to do with the boys, however, I became quite friendly (chat over the fence) with their mom, despite some language difficulties (they were Czech).

Fast forward 13 years..Marta (the Mom) has gone through some difficulties including a marriage break-up and a new husband. We are still 'friendly', but not 'best friends' (I still have a fear of getting too close to next door neighbours) And guess what? One of my twins starts dating her oldest boy! Long story short, it was a little weird, especially when they were dating, but now, yup, they're married, have a two year old and 5 month old twins!

We tag team each other helping to babysit. We have a communal high chair and playpen that gets passed back and forth when the kids can get it together to get to our respective places. We have barbecues together, but funnily enough, still maintain a relationship that I would describe as just "neighbourly".

Some people might think it would be a nightmare having the 'in-laws' as a next door neighbour, but in my experience, because we were neighbours first, and established the parameters early on, it's all worked out well.

Oh, and funny thing, my other twin daughter has married a Czech boy as well, (but I don't think I could handle being a next door neighbour with his Mom and Dad)!

I'm really enjoying your blog! Started reading it today from 2002.


Great story Wendy and Thank You for sharing!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

That is right. February 2011 is almost over so I decided to come back from the dead and post something on this often ignored and highly irrelevant (or is it irreverent) blog.

Somehow in December I got promoted. Something to do with me being 'the fixer' (I posted about that before) or perhaps they just didn't want to go outside of the organization (last few people who joined the team that way exited soon after) but either way I have suddenly found myself holding the title of "Director" of something-something.

Not that titles mean anything... they don't... except that apparently they do. I am attempting to adjust to the situation and playing a whole new level of corporate politics. That all being said, I simply neglected the blog for far too long.

So updates to come... today I'm just going to post a few letters that have come into my inbox over the last few weeks that I have not had the chance to post. Then I'll give a whirl at pulling out the paddles and giving some shock treatment to this old beast.

NEIGHBOUR MAILBAG

Stephen writes:

I stumbled upon your site while I was searching around the internet looking for some municipal bi-law information (which my idiotic neighbor is surely breaking)! I am glad you finally managed to shake your neighbor!

I also live in Southern Ontario and have a neighbor that is a complete idiot!!! We haven't been in our house that long (just over a year), and I am already battling with him. First off, his house is a total eye sore! When we bought our house, it was during the winter and his whole property has covered in snow, so we couldn't tell how bad it was. Big Mistake. Moral of the story? Never buy a home during the Winter time!

I couldn't agree more here. Best time to buy a house is spring. The ground is clear and you will get a good idea as to the state of repair of lawns and gardens. Pride of ownership matters, especially when it comes to resale value.

We live in a very nice neighbourhood in Burlington that is about 20 years old. It is very mature, with big homes and lots of nice trees. All the properties are very well cared for.... except for our neighbors place! He is the original owner (a single male in his 50's maybe? Never married, no kids etc...), and he hasn't done a thing to it since he moved in. He hasn't even paved his driveway yet, so it is gravel and full of weeds that get up to 3-4 feet tall during the summer! He only cuts his grass about once every 4-6 weeks [Sacrilege!!!].

His garage doors are completely rotten with holes big enough for a raccoon to climb through (I know this because I have seen raccoons climbing through them). And he has over-grown ivy completely covering his house with some windows completely covered, and you can't even see his street address sign anymore. Every light on the house is rusted and broken, and the windows and doors don't have any paint left on them! The worst part is that he NEVER takes his garbage out. Not a single bag since we have lived there! So we are afraid that he is some sort of hoarder or something.

Scary stuff. I've posted about hoarders before.

This summer I finally had enough of looking at his horrid property and planted a 7 foot cedar hedge down the side of my front lawn so I don't have to look at his house anymore. I planted it on my side of the property line just in case he complained, which he did.

Natural fences are a great way to either reduce conflict, or take it to the next level. I wrote about how great the Leyland Cypress is on this post from 2008.

He told me it was an eye sore and demanded that I take it down. I just laughed at him and told him I would gladly take it down as soon as he paved his driveway, fixed his garage doors etc. He then proceeded to insult my property, and said my children and wife were eye sores! That was the last time I spoke with him.

Now he spies on me! Last week I caught him hiding on the side of his garage and staring at me while I cut my lawn. I just waved and said hello, and he retreated out of sight. Then he came back later and continued watching me. I suspect he was trying to catch me stepping on his property or something while I was cutting my lawn, so he could come yell at me? He is weird!

We were shocked to come home last week and find he had replaced his garage doors! His property actually looks a lot better now... except of course for the gravel & weed driveway, the rotting doors and windows, 3 foot high grass etc. I guess if he fixes his driveway, I will have to take the hedge down!!!

I wouldn't retreat on that one, especially if you built it on your side of the properly line.

Anyway, I guess in the end there are plenty of weirdo's out there. I am kind of happy that I don't have to speak to my neighbor anymore. I know he doesn't like me, and I don't like him so the relationship works. Now I am just trying to figure out what I can do about the fact that he never takes garbage out. I am afraid of what he has going on inside his house.

I would be afraid as well. I am thinking rats, which carry all kinds of nasty diseases.

Did I mention that he planted rows and rows of corn in his backyard this year? I am all for gardening... but he has 11 foot high corn rows in his backyard! WTF????

I'm all for growing corn actually and have even considered taking big section of my side yard and trying to grow a row of corn next year. We do have a garden already but stick to the basics like Zucchini, Tomatoes, and Cucumbers. I have a friend in Calgary who converted his entire yard, front and back, into raised vegetable gardens with little pathways. If you are willing to give up ALL of your grass you can really grow a lot of food in a standard suburban lot. Provided you keep things looking organized most folks won't complain. This however would NEVER fly in one of those more upper-class neighbourhoods in the USA with homeowners associations. He lives in an older area of town, mostly working-class, houses built in the 1970's.

Regards,

Stephen

Thanks for the letter. Sorry it took so long to post. The day job and endless business travel has kept me away from this blog most of the summer. - Ca1v1n

NOTE TO SELF

If you are going to attempt to dispose of a cat I would recommend a burlap sack, a large rock, and a body of water.

I would NOT recommend your neighbour's garbage bin.

Definitely would not recommend being caught on camera with either scenario.

GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR NEIGHBOURHOOD

Absolutely love this clip. A group of evangelical born-again wackos show up on a quiet street in Toronto and attempt to "protest" against a gay couple that lives there and by all accounts were minding their own business. ALL the neighbours come out of their homes and chase the wackos away.

Neighbourhood Comes Together To Kick Out Religious Haters

Choice quotes:

"We don't go to your house and tell you what to believe"

"You don't know what love means, sir"

And my favorite: "Get the hell out of our neighbourhood!"

RUG BURN

This gives a whole new meaning to the term "Rug Burn"

PERFECT GRASS

The key to perfect lawn lies in maintenance. It is completely possible to have a lawn as beautiful as a golf course, provided you have unlimited time and energy to maintain it. For most of us that is impossible, so the important thing is to stick to the basics. My personal regimen is as follows:

1) Spring Aeration/Rolling. Rent one of the machines that leaves the little "plugs" on your lawn. This doesn't need to be a yearly task. I try to alternate between Aeration one year and Rolling the next.

2) Spring Over-seeding
3) Spring Fertilizer

I find it doesn't really matter the order here, but unless you are using a fertilizer specially blended for newly seeded lawns leave at least 4 weeks between step 1 and 2.

4) Don't cut it too short, especially in the spring. Longer grass promotes good root growth.
5) Try to spend at least 15-30 minutes of "manual" maintenance (pulling larger weeds) once per week. Realistically you should spend the majority of your time tending perennial gardens but I find it important to at least do some minor cosmetic work on the lawn each week.

6) Fall Over-seeding. I do this in September, before it gets too cold.
7) Fall Fertilizer

I never water unless I have just over-seeded. I water daily for 1 week after seeding. Other then that I never water my lawn. It doesn't need it. If it is dry a healthy lawn goes into hibernation. Is my lawn always a beautiful dark green? No... but it still looks OK because it is weed free, neatly trimmed, and healthy. This probably wouldn't work if I lived in a warmer & dryer climate but it works fine in South Western Ontario.

Once a year I use a pre & post emergent weed pesticide. I find this is enough to control Dandelions, Crabgrass and Creeping charlie, the "Big-3" in the world of lawn weeds. It won't eliminate them completely but it will keep them minimal.

I don't use anything fancy, usually just Scott's Turf Builder with Weed Control. The Province of Ontario just made lawn pesticides illegal this year so now you are stuck with nothing but Corn Gluten based weed control products. It works to an extent but only on pre-emergent weeds (the corn gluten prevents the seeds from germinating). If the weeds are already established your only choice is getting down on your hands and knees and pulling the bastards out by hand. Or driving across the border into Michigan but I would never do that.

Now one thing you don't do if you want a beautiful lawn... shoot your neighbour.

PARKING

I've written before how parking issues are one of the top complaints between neighbours (second only to noise). Common parking woes include shared driveways that are always blocked or abandoned cars sitting for months at a time. Another often heard story involves cars left parked in the street when there is space on a private drive or the ignoring (and non-enforcement) of overnight parking bans.

If you have any parking stories to share remember to send them to ca1v1n@hotmail.com.