10 THINGS

Ten things that I heard enough about in 2009 and hope to avoid hearing about in 2010 (Alternate Title: Good Luck With That)

1. Teabaggers: Morphed from a small group of truly dissatisfied Libertarians to being a corrupted cesspool of sore loser Republicans, racists, and the criminally insane. So stupid that they still don't realize what the @#$% "teabagging" means. Or they are trying to 'take back the word' the way gays did with queer.

2. Sarah Palin: It would be bad enough if she was just another @#$%ing idiot trailer park hick who not only doesn't read but takes pride in being ignorant. What makes it worse is that she is celebrated as some kind of bastion of individualism because of that. Since when did we consider stupidity a strength and not a weakness?

3. The Public Option: The debate over the last 6 months only proves that American health care is @#$%ed beyond belief and can't be fixed. All I can hope for is to protect what we enjoy in Canada and keep that disaster on the other side of the border.

4. Biblical Literalism: @#$% You! Claiming the world was actually created in a week and is only 6000 years old is the equivalent of saying the earth is flat or denying the holocaust. Faith should be the lifeboat you hold on to in the dark times when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life, is elusive. It is not a free pass for stupidity.

5. Glenn Beck: I heard that he raped and murdered a young girl back in 1990. He also won 'Misinformer of the Year 2009' and is a big fan of Vicks VapoRub. His mother must be proud.

6. Tiger Woods Sex Life: I already know more about it then I want to and I really don't care. He wants to be shit on by a German midget while snowballing with that is fine with me. That being said, WTF was he thinking? Some of the girls are quasi-hot, but damn, most of them were second rate cocktail waitresses and then you have that skanky (as in filthy cum-dumpster) porn star Jayden James. Dude you have more $$$ then the Catholic Church. They have high-class call girl rings if you just want to get yourself off while on the road.

7. Michael Jackson: He is dead so hopefully when the vultures stop fighting over his remains we can go back to remembering the amazing songs he gave us in the 70's and early-80's. There was no doubt he was a great entertainer. He was also a child molester, a drug addict, schizophrenic and a poster-boy for what happens when the Hollywood cult of personality chews up a child and spits them out a destroyed man.

8. Minority Governments: Harper please just call an election and Iggy please just keep doing what your doing now (as in failing to properly communicate or connect with voters). Harper can do a fair amount of damage over 4 years that will take some time to be undone but I can live with that. The positive side is that your currently muzzled Evangelical back-benchers will be sticking their feet in their mouth so often Canada will finally see that you are the leader of a bunch of fringe religious nutbars masquerading as a Center-Right party.

9. Climate-Gate Emails: Wouldn't it be great if once, just once, the mainstream media actually engaged in real journalism. No suck luck. Thankfully we have YouTube and the fact that real experts are able to publish true investigative reviews of the controversy. Which is exactly why Net Neutrality is so @#$%ing important.

10. Birthers: They are so stupid I can't even think about a witty sarcastic comment.

Happy 2010 Everybody!

BETTER PICTURE

The story has been wildly reported and thanks to that I stumbled across a new picture related to my earlier post on Christmas lights. This version is much better:

POST #89

I started 2009 with some crazy plan to post twice as often as I had in 2008. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately for those brave souls who have stumbled upon my rantings) I never found the groove to hit that pace. Instead here we are, approaching the end of another year and my 89th post, which matches last years total. This also marks the end of the 8th year of this blog (hard to believe I started this in 2002) which somehow survives despite me moving three times, changing jobs 4 times, and some major lifestyle changes.

I was in Toronto recently and I drove by my old house. The neighbour who inspired this blog is still in the house next door, and I noticed that he has paved his front yard since I left.

The free tree that the city planted has grown quite a bit over the past 8 years. That is my old house (#137) hiding behind it on the Google Streetview image.

I have a busy two weeks ahead of me with the holidays and all the family headaches that go along with it. If I don't post again before 2010 I just want to take a moment to wish each and every one of my readers a Happy Winter Solstice! No matter what your faith or creed we all (in our own way) are celebrating an astronomical event. The shortest day and longest night and our hopes for the sun to return and the rebirth of the world in Spring. Happy Saturnalia, Hanukkah, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Brumalia, Christmas, Sankranti, Amaterasu, Inti Raymi, etc. etc. and etc.

'TIS THE SEASON

This time of year you occasionally drive past a house where you can tell the occupants really, and I mean really, enjoy Christmas. I refer to these homes as having "The Full Griswold" in reference to the 1989 classic National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation starring Chevy Chase. If you have not seen this film go out and buy it today. To hell with It's a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story, this is the true holiday gem and it should be a family tradition to watch instead of the usual 3-hour orgy of bad animation that is Rankin-Bass.

Quite often you will see a couple 'Full Girswold's' on the same street, as neighbours attempt to compete with each other to see who can blow the most fuses. One such man however knew he simply couldn't hope to compete, so he made a simple statement. A statement so simple in fact, more people are coming by to photograph his house then that of his Holiday-loving friend next door.

Some examples of a 'Full Griswold' to get you in the Holiday mood...

100,000 MOVE

A recent survey commissioned by a Mortgage company in the U.K. is showing that close to 100,000 Britons moved over the last two years because of disputes with their neighbours. While the results may be surprising to some the good news is the majority of people still move for more traditional reasons. Specifically a desire to upgrade their home or because of work or school.

LEGO DANGER

The last thing you would expect when playing with Lego bricks is for the police to kick down your door and point an assault weapon at your head. That is exactly what happened to a Toronto man after a neighbour phoned the police and reported he saw a man with a handgun. Technically Jeremy Bell did have a gun when the police came knocking, except that it was a gun he had built out of Lego.

I think the real story here is that cops would crash into a private home based on a report of a man with a gun. From the sounds of it there was no report that he was threatening anyone with the gun, or pointing it at anyone. While our gun control laws in Canada are far more strict then in the United States you still have the right to possess a gun, including a handgun, in your home provided it is licensed.

From the sounds of it Mr. Bell is taking everything in stride, accepting an apology from his neighbour and being quite clear that he has no plans to stop playing with Lego. His next project is an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.