Monday, January 22, 2007

Kyle from Detroit writes:

My wife and I moved into this beautiful old colonial house in a Detroit suburb. When we moved in the neighbor Randy was a nice guy we learned to trust him and even gave him a key to our home. One night about 4 months after we moved in I had a friend over and we were enjoying a couple of beers and smoking on the front porch having a conversation at a usual level (not being loud). Then the next evening at about 2:00 am Randy is drunk as a skunk yelling at the entire neighborhood and using racial slurs. My wife and I went out side to calm him down and send him to bed. When he looks directly at us and yells at us for keeping him up the previous night. Eventually the police show up and get him back into his house. The following morning I bought him a case of beer and left it in the backyard with an apology.

Ever scence then he has called the police on us at least once a week for nothing at all. I have seen him outside throwing tomatoes at my dogs and kicking the fence then calls the police because our dogs "run aggresivly at the fence". He called the cops because there was dog feces in our yard but we clean up the backyard every other day. One evening he called the cops because there was a stray dog in on his front porch barking so he said our dogs was making the noise. The police officer actually showed up and tried to give us a ticket. I explained that the dog was not ours and was still sitting on his front porch.

What can I do? The worst part of this whole thing is HE IS A RETIRED POLICE OFFICER.

Ca1v1n Replies:

First things first. Either get back the key you gave him or get new locks installed. Next thing you know he is planting drugs in your house and phoning in a "tip". Seriously however, I am at a loss. You gave the guy a case of beer and he gets worse? I thought everybody loved beer. It is like a universal peace offering. All you can really do at this point is kill him with kindness, but don't waste any more alcohol on him. I suggest decorative tea cosies and ornamental porcelain figurines.


Anonymous said...

A retired cop can be like Jack the Ripper. They know all the stuff they can get away with, and they do. Plus your cop apparently came with a substance abuse problem. I say give the guy cheap hard liquor in abundance so he can drink himself to death fast. Also add plenty of smokes. Did you change the locks? Bugger probably has an assortment of burglary tools, so bar your windows and doors. Or get some more meat hounds.

Anonymous said...

This is why the local cops are facilitating this ex-cop on every ridiculous complaint. The brotherhood. They're the worst in addition to being not very bright.

Flatten his tires.