Monday, September 15, 2008


We hear lots of stories about stupid and annoying neighbours who do clearly crazy and insane things to earn their stripes. We rarely stop to think about the little things we all do sometimes that can add up over time. So without further ado here are some things you should avoid in order to avoid being labeled a Stupid Neighbour.

  1. Mowing your lawn too early in the morning. You may be a morning person but some of us like to sleep in on a Saturday morning. Anytime after 8am is fine. This is still too early in my books (personally I say nothing before 9am) but I am willing to compromise.
  2. Late night construction projects. If the sun has gone down just put the power tools away. Put them down. Thats it. Good. Now open a beer and go sit on the porch. You can admire your handiwork in the daylight.
  3. Poop & Scoop. It is a no brainer that you should pick up when walking your dog. You also need to do regular sweeps of your own yard if you own a big ol' nasty dog. Your neighbours won't want their kids playing with your kids in the backyard if every time they come home they track something foul in thru the back door. To hell with the neighbours kids, what about your own? They deserve a safe and poop-free yard to run around in barefoot on occassion.
  4. Blasting the stereo when doing yardwork. You may love your new experemental Norwegian free jazz ensemble but I doubt anybody else in the free world does. Ditto for profanity laced gansta rap. I find the best choice, if you must listen to music when working in the garden (and that is a separate debate entirely), is something generic. Your local classic rock or pop station. Anything on the FM band is generally safe. If this doesn't work for you buy a damn iPod.
  5. Car parts belong in the garage, not on the driveway. Anything up on blocks is probably not a good idea. Not only does it look like you are running a chop shop it can be dangerous if children are playing nearby. It also just looks plain ghetto.
  6. Drinking beer on the front porch at 9am on a Sunday. Ghetto. At least wait until noon.
  7. Pick up the Flyers. Yes, I know you didn't ask for them and you already got that issue of the Pennysaver twice this week. Yes, I know you have a sign saying No Junk Mail and that you have phoned three times telling them to stop delivering. Ignoring them scattered all over your front yard will not make them disappear.
  8. Put the garbage out on the right day and if you make a mistake, take it back into the garage (or wherever you store it) and don't leave it out until it eventually is picked up. (Read my archives from 2002)
  9. Speaking of garbage. If a racoon (or dog or whatever) gets into it and scatters it all over... pick it the frak up. I know you didn't make the mess, but are you seriously going to just leave it rotting in the sun until the End of Days?
  10. Give everybody a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression.


OUSoonerTaz said...

Nope, none of your 1-10 fit the bill. How about your neighbor mowing his lawn at 11 at night, but only in a bra. No, I know what your thinking, cool, but it's a he!

OR, how about playing obnoxious horseshoes in your backyard(only partially fenced) when he and his girl/boy/bull dyke friend are buck naked?

How about that all the neighbors that surround this guy - next door and across the street and such hav kids ranging from 2 years old to 13 years old. There are 9 kids that surround this guy, not to mention the ones that come to visit.

What would you do?

Ca1v1n said...

A guy in a bra? Or do you mean a 'Bro'?

Naked horseshoes? Don't tell me one of them is lying on his back and acting as the 'pole'?

I would build a higher fence...

Robert Campbell said...

I think its time you put an image in your header.
Dont miss the opportunity to make an impression on your readers using a custom photo shopped jpg - u know how