NAKED GNOMES

Most neighbourly conflicts start with an offense, either real or perceived, by one side. It could be construction noise, a barking dog, crazy parties, or destructive children. Other times the offense can be much more sublime. Take this example out out the U.K. At the age of 64, Sandra Smith is your typical British pensioner. She enjoys Coronation Street, tea and her lovely garden. For the last 15 years Smith has had a variety of garden gnomes scattered about the grounds, including 3 that were (gasp) partly naked.

A neighbour made a formal complaint to the local town council and this is where things get confusing. Smith claims she was contacted by the authorities and told the statues were indecent and if she did not remove or cover them up she could face charges. Smith complied with the order, but media started to take notice. Now the town as changed its tune, claiming nobody ever contacted Smith, and a fellow neighbour who is a Police officer has advised her that in no way could she be charged with indecency for a lawn ornament of a gnome. I suspect you would need something a bit more blatant, like a giant dildo.

Either way the "cheeky chappies" (as Smith refers to them) are back on display. The neighbour who made the complaint, claims it is "childish and pathetic" that this sort of thing could be allowed in someones front garden. Hello Pot? Its me Kettle.

LIFE SAVING BRA

You simply can't make stuff like this up. A Detroit woman can credit her bra with saving her life. The woman, who had ran to her window when the neighbours burglar alarm went off, was shot at by the escaping culprits. The bullet deflected off the underwire of her bra and did not penetrate her skin. Must have been one hell of an underwire. One thing for sure, since the woman was 58 years old and lives in downtown Detriot you know it doesn't look like the gratuitous picture I decided to use for this story.

SAY NO TO PIGS

A man in Oxfordshire was arrested for harassment after his neighbour complained about a small pig statue and sign reading "No Pigs" was spotted in his back garden. Turns out this neighbour is a police officer and felt this was some sort of insult directed at him. The trouble is, the man who owns the statues is a retired pig farmer, and frankly if I was a retired pig farmer I wouldn't want them around either. (Except on my breakfast plate) It also turns out he had the pig statue in the back garden long before the pig neighbour moved in. The two (pig and retired pig farmer) have been feuding for the last 18 months over the location of a path that divides their back gardens, and of course the pig had to use his power to try to intimidate his neighbour. After being held for 6 hours the man was released and no charges were laid. Stupid pig.

NOTHING I CAN ADD

There is nothing I can add to this, so I'll just let you read for yourself. Not sure where this originated, but the image was found on Flickr.

NEIGHBOUR HEADLINES

Two Stupid Neighbour candidates for Darwin awards showed up on my radar today.

A man in Tasmania is dead after being trapped in a house fire. A house fire that he set attempting to cover up the fact that he had murdered his neighbour. Police found a partially severed limb in another residence (presumably the killers) nearby. Other residents of the quiet suburb of New Norfolk indicated the two had been seen drinking heavily earlier in the evening.

A Cambridge man is missing after his house exploded. An explosion that it appears he planned himself. Donald Joyce was facing eviction from his bungalow later that day after being found guilty of harassment and intimidation of his neighbours.