THE STUPID NEIGHBOUR BLOG

Adam for the UK writes:

For 7 years we lived in a block of flats. In those 7 years, every night (from the neighbour above) was filled with drug taking, domestic violence and loud music.

We eventually moved in to a really nice street where everyone knows each other and says hello and I really thought I could spend the rest of my life there.

Our new neighbour owns a house but is married to a lady 20 miles away and basically lives there with her most of the time. In fact I haven’t seen him in about 6 or 7 months. He decided that he would leave his 15 year old son in the house. The 15 year old then decided that he would have one of his friends move in. Every night they would be in their back garden taking drugs, smoking weed and getting drunk. This would go on through the night. You can imagine how irate I was to discover that I am living next to the same type of people I had been trying to get away from for 7 years.

In the UK we have environmental health. I called them out and they monitored the noise, took notes etc. The 15 year old boy (the owners son) was served with an antisocial behavior order. This meant that any further noise witnessed by environmental heath would result in prosecution. I was happy that I finally got one over on the little bastard.

All went quiet for a week or so, it was great. Then the music came on. It was bearable and I was happy to take into account that they are young with no adults around so I put up with it. Then Jason (the owners son) met a girl and started spending most of his time at her house, leaving all his drug taking friends in the house. The music started to increase in volume, so once again, I called environmental heath. They took notes and took Jason to court but nothing changed.

Last week I had enough and I went down to my local sports equipment store. I purchased a baseball bat. I waited until I could see that they were all in the same room. I walked up to the house and entered though the back door with my nice new baseball bat. I walked in to the room and I saw 10 jaws hit the floor. I casually walked over to the stereo and turned it off. Every on was silent. I asked if anyone had a comment for me as I couldn’t quite hear what was said. Of course I got the childlike reply of “I don’t know”, “it wasn’t me” etc. They were shaking. I had absolutely no intention of using the bat but it felt good that they thought I had come round to use it. I asked who was first. They were unsure as to what I meant so I said who would like there leg broken first. One of them started crying. It was great to know that I had so much power over them. I walked out with “I’m watching you” comment and went home.

There has been no noise at all since. In hindsight, they could have easily jumped me and kicked the crap out of me but they think that I am a head case and are quite frightened of me. Now when anyone leaves the house, they are quite polite to me, checking that I cannot hear the music. My other idea was to have a friend stand outside in a raincoat staring at the house for hours on end. (He would have done it too with a little cash he said). My point is that if you have noisy neighbours, they don’t know who you are or who you know. The trick is to frighten them psychologically. Trust me it works! You don’t have to go as far as I have but simple things like make sure they over hear a conversation on the phone about how you are going to take someone out , have then buried etc.

Thanks for listening or reading and take care,

Ca1v1n Replies:

WOW! I would never have the balls to walk into someones house, baseball bat or not. I guess in the UK you don't have to worry so much about folks having guns. Now I did once turn around in a movie theatre and warn a group of teenagers that if their one friend didn't shut up that 15 minutes after the movie ended they would be driving him to the hospital. I don't know if they thought I was crazy but a few others around starting clapping so I knew I had some backup.