SCREW YOU RECESSION

The signs are all around us. The world is in the middle of an economic meltdown. The pundits and talking heads tell us the worst is still ahead of us but who can you really trust? Everybody has an agenda, and it turns out most of the "stock market experts" on the major networks are convicted felons. Television shows and websites devoted to penny pinching are more popular then ever, and every where you look folks are talking about battening down the hatches and riding out the storm.

Despite the above these are exciting times. Art and culture, especially music, tend to flourish during times of economic upheaval. This is a time when individual creativity can win out over self indulgence fueled by an unlimited budget. The only thing standing in your way is some self-doubt. So get up and do something...

Stand up and shout it from the rooftops... SCREW YOU RECESSION!


Learn to cook, not just reheat. The basics of rustic Italiano. Pasta, home made sauces, olive oil and fresh herbs.

Learn to fix, to tinker, to repair. How about changing your own oil? Sure it is a messy job, but few things compare to the great feeling you get after spending a sunny afternoon working on your car in the driveway and sipping a cold beer. Oil changes call for Pabst Blue Ribbon not some fancy overpriced Microbrew.

Reduce and Reuse. Most of us have the 3rd "R" down pat. We diligently fill our blue boxes every week and leave them at the curb. How about trying to actually limit what ends up in that box in the first place?

Get back to basics for your entertainment dollar. Start with the public library. Skip the overpriced tickets to some big concert and spend $5 cover at a small club to hear a bunch of kids living the beginning of their rock star dreams.

Ignore the $5 latte and splurge a bit on some high quality beans from a local independent roaster. Brew your coffee at home instead. Invite your friends. Instead of spending the afternoon at a hip cafe eating overpriced food you can sit around your apartment and enjoy an English style tea party, complete with home made baked goods and little sandwiches with the crusts cut off.

These are just some of my ideas. The screwyourecession.ca site has many more. You can also keep up to date with the latest news via their twitter feed.

STUPID NEIGHBOUR AWARD

Today's STUPID NEIGHBOUR AWARD goes to Greg Gutfeld, host of the late-night Red Eye show which airs on FOX at 3am.

Gutfeld made some negative comments the other night about Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan. Click here for the footage courtesy of YouTube.

For those who don't know, over the last 6 years, the Americans have gallivanted around in Iraq looking for non-existent WMD, while our NATO allies (specifically the French, Germans and Dutch... the British have carried their own weight) have refused to be deployed anywhere but the very stable Northern provinces or in military roles of any kind. All this time the Canadian military has been left to deal with the shit-storm that is Kandahar province, former stronghold of the Taliban. A mission that has left over 100 of our soldiers dead.

Not to say that our allies have not sacrificed. I hear a Dutch soldier broke a nail once, and the French were forced to not shower for weeks at a time (Oh wait, that is normal).

Unlike most of FOX's talking heads, at least Gutfeld had the common decency to apologize when he was called out. That is far more then can be said about idiots like Joe Scarborough and Bill O'Reilly. That being said, Gutfield is on at 3am and his show goes up against the likes of SHAM-WOW infomercials and hot babes in bikinis trying to convince you to dial a 976 number.

My personal opinion as to the usefulness of the mission is not relevant to this post. However, disrespecting the brave men and women who serve is unacceptable. Therefore I apologize now to the Dutch and French governments, who despite hiding behind our kilts are still making a contribution in Afghanistan, abet a minor one.

NEIGHBOUR HEADLINES

Cardiff, Wales - A man has been sentenced to jail for six months after smashing down his neighbour's door with an axe. Apparently he had been upset about the creaky door for months, claiming it was waking him up late at night. Witnesses say he was seen in the hallway moments before the attack wielding an axe and a machete while screaming "I'm going to kill someone... I'll chop them up". Next time how about attacking the hinge with some WD-40?

Lanchester, Durham - File this one under "Not Going To End Well". A former Hell's Angel, who barely avoided jail after finally being convicted of harassing his neighbours, has been allowed to move back into his old house. A previous court judgement had ordered him to sell the property and never return but I guess that proved difficult in this current economic climate. The order to sell the home has been lifted, and since the man has been on his best behaviour for the last six months someone has determined he is no longer a threat. So what did he do that was so horrible? Well cutting down his neighbours hedge and putting up a barbed wire fence is pretty standard. Banging on walls and brandishing firearms isn't exactly out of the ordinary either. How about stabbing HIMSELF in the chest and then accusing his neighbour?

OCTOMOM & SLACKING

I've been slacking. I'll admit it. Getting stuck in the daily grind of work and not being inspired. The strange part is I just kinda got a promotion at work, which also has me at a new office, which also cut my commute by roughly 90 minutes each day. Instead of an hour driving into and from the office each day I now drive 15 minutes each way. I also now have free parking instead of paying $110/month. Pretty sweet deal. You would think I would be more excited.

I threw my back out yesterday. Not sure how. I wasn't lifting anything heavy or doing any crazy exercise or anything. I just suddenly hurt like hell and have lost a full range of motion. It started in the afternoon. By the time I went to bed I could barely move. Work today was absolutely horrible. Driving home I couldn't even shoulder-check to see if there was a car in my blind spot. I feel a bit better now since I'm doped up on Robaxacet and a couple beers after enjoying a very hot bath. Personally, I'd like to get my hands on some Oxycontin or Percacets.

So after the above I don't have much "neighbour related" to share. Just be happy you don't live in the La Habra neighbourhood of Los Angeles, new home of OctoMom.

RUDE & NUDE

A group of neighbours from Wrangle, Lincs were told by the police to install surveillance cameras in order to gather evidence about ongoing harassment by their neighbours from hell. When the bad guys next door noticed the camera you would think their behaviour would improve, instead it got worse. Along with installing their own camera, parading around their yard wearing sandwich boards, and throwing rocks over the fence those in attendance at the courthouse today were treated to videotaped evidence of the couple simulating sex on the hood of their car and exposing themselves.

NEIGHBOUR HEADLINES

Story out of Yorkshire about a family who was forced to live in a camper after their home was destroyed by a flood. What makes this interesting is they are now being sued by their neighbour who claims they ruined his view. The repairs to their home took over nine months to complete and during that time the family lived in a trailer provided by their insurance company. It apparently blocked the neighbours view of his garden.

On this side of the pond a couple in Lewisville, Texas are upset that their neighbour, who is an avid hunter, has been butchering his game in the back yard. They claim they are only looking for "respect" and would never slaughter a cow in their back yard so they don't see why their neighbour can slaughter a deer or a wild boar. Do they expect him to do it in the kitchen? The Police and even State Game Wardens have investigated and no charges have been laid. Authorities dismiss the complaints a a simple clash of suburban and rural lifestyles.

NEIGHBOUR MAILBAG

Dave from Spokane sent in some great photos of the damage his stupid neighbour did when trying to remove icicles from his gutters with a large hammer. The question now is if he:

1) Tries to reinstall the destroyed gutter
2) Does nothing and lets his roof slowly rot over the next couple years
3) Hire someone to install a new gutter (who am I kidding?)