The Missing Tree
Every fall the city comes around and examines all the trees that line the street. If they determine one is damaged (disease, age, etc) and has become a falling hazard they spray paint it with a large X and then a few weeks later a crew comes by to remove the tree. Then in the spring the city sends out another crew to plant new trees to replace the ones that were cut down. Anyway, the tree on my neighbours front lawn got marked. I'm not sure why, it didn't look diseased, but was growing very close to some power lines. Two weeks ago the crew came by and chopped it down. When my neighbour came home he just stood in his front lawn for about 10 minutes shaking his head, probably wondering what happened to his tree. We know from past experience he would not have read the note the city would have put in his mailbox. He had some Christmas lights left in the tree from at least 2 years ago. I know this because they were in the tree last Christmas but from what I could tell none of them worked, since he never bothered plugging them in. The city workers took them down and left them in a neat little pile on his lawn. They sit in that same pile today. Even when my stupid neighbour finally got around to raking up his leaves he just raked around the pile of lights. Come December I'm thinking about running over to his house in the middle of the night and plugging them in but just leaving them on the ground where they sit. I would be willing to bet they stay in that pile all winter.

Garbage Day (Again)
Well today was garbage day and recycling day so the truck came by and picked up the pile of cardboard boxes that had been sitting on my neighbours lawn since last Wednesday. As I predicted they didn't take the three plastic garbage bags full of yard waste. The city garbage men put one of the yellow stickers that read "sorry we don't pick up compostable yard waste unless its in a paper bag or reusable container". Too bad my neighbour won't bother reading it, in fact I'm not convinced he can read anyway. That may explain why he didn't understand all the letters sent to him even when they were in 7 different languages. My neighbour threw out alot of stuff this week, he must be doing some redecorating. Along with the regular garbage were some old drawers (but no sign of the dresser), a smelly old area rug, and a big wicker laundry basket with some unidentified stains. There was also an old PC with a label on the front that said "486SX".

Yard Waste
I spent a most of yesterday afternoon working on my yard, trying to get everything done before the winter hits for good. I managed to rake up all the leaves, clean out the flower beds, and mow the grass one last time. My stupid neighbours wife came out and mentioned how nice the yard looked when I was done. I think she put some pressure on her husband because today he is out raking up his leaves, etc. He didn't bother mowing his lawn, but its just a carpet of broadleaf weeds anyway, I don't think there is any grass left at all. He is outside right now jamming all the leaves into several plastic garbage bags, which I predict will sit on his front lawn until next spring. Why? Because the city recycling bylaws state they will not pickup compostable material unless it is in a paper yard waste bag or reusable containers. My neighbour must know this, as the bylaw was passed 3 years ago and they advertise it everywhere from flyers in your mail to advertisements on public transit and television. He is just too lazy and stupid to go out and buy some paper yard waste bags, which are available at every hardware and grocery store in the city. They don't cost that much (I think I paid $1.99 for a package of 6) and we should really all do our part to reduce the amount of waste we put in the landfill.

Filthy Children

I like children. Really I do. I have one myself and plan on having more. However, there are two kinds of children in this world. Your own... and everyone elses. My idiot neighbour has a bunch of idiot children. Its not their fault, its probably genetic. Either way, here is a true story. I was enjoying a beer in my backyard earlier in the summer. I had a few friends over and we were going to fire up the BBQ and enjoy the nice weather. The neighbours children were playing in their backyard, when suddenly the youngest one (who is about 5 years old) drops his pants and starts urinating on their lawn. Now I understand the child is young, and probaby had to go real bad, but it still gave me a bit of a shock. To be honest I didn't think much about it, until a few weeks later when I was once again sitting in my backyard having a beer. The neighbours back patio door opened and standing in the doorway was the little kid again, who proceded to urinate on their back deck. He then retreated back into the house and closed the door. This seemed a bit strange, but considering all the wierd things my neighbours do I really didn't think much of it. I thought that perhaps they only have one bathroom and one of his brothers or sisters were using it. The final straw came the next weekend, when I saw the stupid neighbour open the back door for his child and while standing right next to him watched as he pissed all over their back porch again, then closed the door when he finished. Now I'm thinking, what are the chances that their bathroom is occupied whenever the kid needs to piss, and what are the chances they are just a family of filthy idiots?

Recycle Dammit!

I've already complained about the garbage, so now I'm going to complain about his recycling. Personally I don't care if you recycle or not, after all its a free country and your free to be an idiot. However the city cares, and will not pick up trash that contains obvious recycleables. Every two weeks the recycling truck makes its rounds, and they have a few rules. Bottles and cans should be rinsed out, cardboard boxes should be broken down flat, and newspaper bundled. Pretty simple really. My neighbour just throws out his recycling every week instead of on the designated day. The city is pretty picky and if they see a pile of cardboard on your lawn and its not recycling pickup day they won't toss it in with the regular garbage, they just leave it behind. So you can image how nice it is to look out my front window at a pile of empty cans, newspapers, and cardboard boxes for an entire week. It wouldn't be so bad if when he realized it was not recycling day he retrieved the stuff from his front lawn, but instead he leaves it there until the next Wednesday. You would think he might catch on, perhaps look around at all the other houses on the street and notice when the rest of us do it. Its not a matter of language, the majority of people on my street do not speak english and they seem to have no problems. Even if it was language the city is very good about sending every notice in many different languages, including Spanish, which I have heard him speak to his wife and kids. Its just a matter of stupidity.

Household Appliances
My neighbour bought himself a new stove on the weekend. I know this because he dragged his old stove out front and left it by the road. If my neighbour wasn't such an idiot I wouldn't worry about this eyesore. After all, the city does pickup any household appliances that require disposal. However, this is not done as part of the regular garbage pickup, you need to call a special phone number. Its not like this number is a secret or anything, as I recall it was printed on that same letter informing our street about the change in garbage day. The letter that was sent out in 7 languages. The letter my stupid neighbour obviously didn't read because he still puts his garbage out on Monday night instead of Tuesday. I was looking forward to gazing out my front window at the old stove for the next few weeks, but something else happened instead. As I was walking my dog late last night I noticed a neighbour from across the street dragging the stove into his garage. He is an old guy, very much a handyman, and always tinkering on something. He must realize my neighbour is stupid as well, and thinks the stove only needs a new fuse or something equally easy to fix.

The Carport

I live in a neighbourhood of small lots. There is just enough space between houses for a path, and you access your garage using the back alley. Not everyone has a garage, some people (like my neighbour) just have gravel on the back 1/3 section of their yard designated for parking their cars. Since my neighbour is an idiot he decided the 50 feet between this spot and his back door was just too far to walk. He started driving his car right thru his backyard and parking it a few inches from the back door of his house. Let me tell you, this did wonders for his lawn during the summer! Last night we had our first snowstorm of the season, but it wasn't very cold and it quickly melted. I was in the kitchen this morning making coffee and looked out the back window to see him spinning his wheels as he struggled to get his car unstuck from where it had sunk into his backyard. After about an hour of shoveling and having his tires dig some nice deep grooves into what is left of the lawn he managed to back out into the alley. Later I noticed he has returned to parking the car at the back of his lot.

Digging Postholes

At the beginning of the summer my neighbour decided he was going to build a fence to separate his front yard from his neighbour to the left (my house is on the right). He spent an entire day out in his front yard digging holes. When he finally finished that evening he had a row of about a 1/2 dozen post holes right down the dividing line between his front yard and the house to his left. That was five months ago. He has yet to move on to the next stage and actually build the fence, but he sure does have a nice bunch of holes. After a few weeks had gone by I thought, well I guess he is a busy guy. Now, five months later I'm thinking he gave up on the whole fence plan. I'm just waiting for the fall leaves or winter snow to cover them up and then either the mailman or some neighbourhood kid can trip and hurt themselves.

Garbage Day

The city recently changed the day that my neighbourhood gets its trash picked up. It used to be Tuesday, and now it is Wednesday. A full month before the change took effect the city sent a letter to every resident on the street telling them of the change. This letter was sent in 7 different languages. It has been two months now, and the idiot next door still puts his garbage out on Monday nights. The stinking pile of trash sits in the sun all day Tuesday as neighbourhood cats rip into the bags and spread garbage all over my yard and the sidewalk. You would think he might realize at some point that he is the only person on the street who still puts his garbage out on Monday nights but he seems oblivious to the entire thing.