Used To Be Happy writes:

I hate my neighbor. His hobby is running machinery, which is bad enough. But he prefers to do this on Sundays and holidays. Since he and his wife moved across the street I have not enjoyed a holiday in my home because all I can hear is his leaf blower, chain saw, lawn mower, etc. There is no reasoning with this crazy bastard, so I don’t even try. He bought the adjacent 2 acre wooded lot to his house and has defoliated it, just so that he can run his stupid lawn mower over it. He mows dirt. He grooms the woods. He is driving me crazy. I want to kill him. I will most likely be driven from my home of 10 years because this crazy bastard apparently lives off gasoline fumes.

Ca1v1n replies: This goes to show you can never underestimate the power of a man to get excited over power tools and things that go 'vroom'. Mowing dirt is just stupid. The least he could have done is turn the two acre lot into a perfectly manicured alter to the wonderous power of Scott's Turf Builder.

Andrew writes:

I bought a nice condo back in 1999. The place had a nice mix of retirees, college students, starter families, etc. Moved in, had some nice upstairs neighbors, who were pretty quiet, had rugs throughout the entire facility, and side neighbors, mother & daughter, that I got along with quite well.

Two years ago, the lady above me sold her condo to a non-english speaking Russian. He doesn't understand a word of english, doesn't seem to be able to read english, and somehow has managed to obtain a decent car and hold down a job. The first issue with him is that he completely tore up all the rugs in his house, and then tossed them outside, in our dumpster, filling it up with his furniture. He claimed that it wasn't his despite the fact that the underside of the carpet had his condo # on it. He paid the fine, and moved on.

He decided that it was okay to run power tools between the hours of 7am-11pm, since that's what the official laws are, despite the fact that the condo association refuses to allow power tools to be used in the home save between 8am-8pm. He claimed he couldn't read the rules, so he didn't have to follow them. For the next fifteen weeks, he ripped up his floorboards, and did major construction, despite repeated requests to knock it off. Finally, he finished, and then refused to lay down new carpet to cover his floors. Apparently, he missed the part of the agreement stating all condos required carpet, so I hear his footsteps from one room to another.

He invited some of his friends over, who promptly parked in not only my numbered space, but every other visitor space near my condo, and I had to walk a good quarter mile in the pouring rain. Once again, doesn't speak English, so he doesn't understand when I try to talk to him.

The worst of it came when he took his dishwasher and kitchen cabinets and placed them 'temporarily' in front of my condo walkway, intending to move them. They weren't moved for two weeks, and anytime he got a letter or a fine, he'd pay it, and then ignore the rest. He still doesn't apparently understand English too well, or knows how to drive, since he apparently came home drunk last night, parked half-way through both his parking space and mine, and then left his car for two days. I've done just about everything I can do here with him, written letters of complaint, gotten him fined, but he still stays and continues to do whatever the hell he wants.

I'm running out of options.

Ca1v1n Replies: Personally it sounds like your condo board is completely useless. Your best bet would be to start with formal letters of complaint to the condo board. It won't be good enough to just complain in person or at meetings, you will need a registered letter sent to the board, the associations lawyers, and a copy to your lawyer if you have one. They won't be able to stop bad parking habits or stupidity in general but if they can definately force him to install carpets. Personally I'll bet he speaks perfect english, most immigrants do, they just have a habit of reverting to "no speaka da common" when they are caught violating rules and regulations.

Then there's the neighbors across the way. (Oh Great! There is more?)

Three years ago, the lady and her daughter moved out, and an East Indian family moved in. For a two bedroom condo, the maximum capacity is five total. The guy appears to have four wives, and six children who all lives with them. (East Indian culture is not known to be generally polygamous, the other women are likely sisters or cousins. Either way, condo rules are condo rules and 11 people in a 2 bedroom condo is just plain wrong)

When they first moved in, the first thing they did was stick their satellite dish out in front of the building (which was a violation) and hooked up the hose under my window to their permanent fountain. That got fixed thankfully. Besides violating the maximum capacity for people in one location, the family has decided that because the 'male' in the household doesn't like being bothered by trivial things such as children crying, that they are to be removed outside the condo, where they are spanked, left alone, or punished, directly outside my door.

I contacted Children Services and they states that they can't do anything, since he's quoting religious freedom anytime they show up. (Thats bullshit. The government flunky is either stupid, not good with conflict, or is trying to avoid paperwork. Crying children in the hallway has nothing to do with religious freedom).

So I get to listen to the daily activities of their lives while attempting to be private in my own. Three months ago, things got considerably worse. The guy decided that he didn't like the new placement of his satellite dish. So while there were painters, all dressed in white, walking around painting our condos, he decided that to do something about it. He dressed himself all up in white, politely asked to borrow a ladder, and proceeded to cut some bushes without asking and without permission.

I found out what was going on, walked outside, asked him what was up, and he said that he had the permission of the board to remove them. I called my BOD up and not only was he lying through his teeth, the landscapers and the BOD had a notice to 'never touch the bushes'.

I told him to get down and knock it off. Two days later, he put his satellite dish BACK in front of his condo. When you look at the direction/angle, you notice that the hedges/bushes I had carefully grown to block sunlight had been cut back in a L shape, and that the angle of satellite was pointed directly in the space. Apparently his plan was to cut back the bushes in order to improve his reception. Now I've got an ugly L on the top of the bushes (which took 3 years to grow), and I've got to prune them back down because someone decided he wasn't getting good satellite reception.

The satellite dish was out front for two weeks, until he was fined $100 by the BOD, and moved the dish around back where it had been.

It seems that if someone doesn't speak English, or quotes religion, they get treated differently than everybody else.

M writes:

I live in a house that I bought 9 years ago. My husband, step-son, and 3 year old daughter have a quiet lifestyle. I have a beautiful black lab that is 8 years old, and up until recently, has never caused me any problems. I used to be able to leave him for 3-4 days at a time. He has a self-feeder, self-waterer, pet door, and a fully fenced, doubled locked on each side yard to play in. Life was good.

Almost 2 years ago, my fantastic next-door-neighbors moved to another town, and sold their house to a young nurse. Nurse seems like a pretty nice gal except for her dogs. Nurse works nights. Nurse started out with one dog, now has two, and sometimes has her mother's bassett hound staying over for a few days at a time. These dogs all bark and never stop! Well that is they never stop when she isn't home; if she is home, then all is quiet. The problem is that she isn't home much.

My dog has begun exhibiting all sorts of anxiety related behavior that begins when the incessent barking starts. He shakes; he trys to paw at doors and hide in rooms; he eats huge holes that go all the way through bedroom doors when we are at work; he eats fence boards on the side of the house opposite the dogs; I even have him on prozac to try to deal with the anxiety.

The dogs bark all night. They wake up my dog, which causes absolute chaos from his anxiety over the barking. They wake up my toddler. They wake up my husband. They wake up me. Even my stepson on the opposite end of the house is unable to sleep.

There have been a couple of occasions when I have run in to her as she is pulling out of her driveway. She seems embarassed as the dogs are barking as she leaves the driveway. I actually told her that I had my dog on prozac and it seems to help for separation anxiety (hint, hint).

About a month ago, I finally said to hell with it and start calling the police on a regular basis. My husband is in law enforcement, and I'm an attorney/former prosecutor. We are all too familiar with the system. I had great expectations that one visit from the police would resolve the issue.

The first visit from Police Officer #1 should have done the trick. He went to the hospital where she works. Came back by the house, and told me that he warned her she would be getting a noise citation if she didn't take care of it. We were so optimistic!

The second, third and fourth visits were from Police Officer #2. He managed to hunt down someone at the house, who told him that he was only dog watching for her, that he bartended nights, and that he didn't think he should have to make sure they didn't bark at night. Police Officer #2 told him the dogs better stop or he'd be getting a noise citation. Officer #2 even stopped by last weekend to see how things were going and if the situation had improved. I wish we had better news to report.

There was another call to dispatch, but there weren't any officers available to help that night.

The icing on the cake was this morning. At about 4:00 AM, the insane barking began, waking up the whole house. It kept going until I left at 7:00 AM. Police Officer #3 came out and was appalled at the loudness of the barking. He told me he would cite her if it didn't stop. Only problem is that she is never home when the barking happens.

I got home tonight around 6:00 PM. The barking continued until 9:30 PM. Police Officer #4 wasn't so helpful. Was concerned about the crazy barking at first, but then returned to my house after hunting Nurse down, and reported that he knew her, she was a really nice person, and that she would be home soon to stop the barking.

He tried to persuade me that the dogs were barking because of other dogs in heat, my response was, "For 2 years?" Actually suggested that I should talk to her about the other dogs but that only one he heard was her mother's basset hound and that she promised it would be gone in the morning. I smiled, and let him know that she isn't home to talk to when the dogs bark and that I would be relying on law enforcement to take care of this issue for me. And by then I let him know who my husband is, and then he made the connection that I am an attorney. I don't usually play that trump card but at this point, things are really desparate.

So practically speaking, I am at a loss as to what to do. My pet is miserable and destroying our home, my husband is miserable, my toddler can't sleep, and I am at my wit's end. I bought a bark-stop device and mounted it the side of my house; it didn't work. I bought dog repellant and put it on my fence; it didn't work. She has these dogs corraled in a 10' long by 5' wide strip that runs along my fence directly across from my bedroom and living room windows, and two sets of sliding doors. Nurse won't move them to the other side of her yard because a) they would ruin it; and b) they would be by her bedrooms.

I assume the noise citations will start soon--at $500 a pop maybe that will take care of it but what if it doesn't? We used to be so happy in our peaceful little house and now we can't even sleep. I'm just about ready to move!

Thanks for letting me vent.

Ca1v1n replies: You may have already tried this but perhaps contacting the local Humane Society will get you some more immediate action then the Police. Especially if the animals have any evidence at all of abuse.

Elizabeth writes:

One upon a time, there was a man who could not get a long with his neighbors no matter where he lived. He moved and he moved but no neighborhood would have him. Finally, to save daughter and grand-child from this continued disruption, the man’s father-in-law split a small lot from his farm and gave it to them so that they could live with no neighbors. Several years past, and the man was happy to live with his family in solitude and was thrilled to have fallow farmland around him. He frolicked in the fields with his golf cart and Yorkiepoo. He drank his beer and screamed at the top of his lungs outside, in the middle of the night for no apparent reason whenever he wished.

Then one day things changed for the man. Someone bought the farmland on one side of him and the farmland on the other side was for sale! But that was not all! The people who ended up buying the two farms were actually farmers and outdoorsmen!!! What was the man to do!? He would be confined to his small little lot while his neighbors might build homes, or farm, or even worse, hunt! No, no, no, this would just not do!

The man sprung into action. He could only deal with one neighbor at a time. First he became friendly with the newest property owner so he could bad-mouth the other before the two got to know each other. Then he called planning, zoning, and the tax office whenever he could to halt the 1st neighbor home building and refute is agricultural tax base. When he had done all he could to the 1st neighbor, he turned on the second one.

Now this second neighbor was a tough nut to crack. They had no home in place yet, but were there all the time. They cut, and plowed, trimmed trees, and had wildlife management practices in place. He knew they were not rich, and he could not figure out how they got access to all this equipment or buy that valuable piece of property. This incensed him! It also angered him that this new neighbor seemed to be rising from the ashes of what had been a very problematic life caused by substance abuse and combat post-traumatic stress. This new neighbor was getting happier by the day working on his land. The man did not think this new neighbor deserved to have such good fortune.

First, the man thought they he should offer alcohol to the neighbor and that would send him down the tubes. It hurt him a couple times, but didn’t quite do the job. Then the man decided that he would make it impossible for the neighbor to hunt, so he honked his horn, and banged pots and pans, and screamed at the top of his lungs during the hunts. Well, that’s when the new neighbor did something unbelievable! He got really mad and yelled at the man!! How could this be! Why would this combat vet think he could yell at the man without reprisal!

So it went. The man decides he will call the police every time the neighbor goes to the property. The neighbor piles his farm equipment and building materials near the main’s house to spoil the man’s view of this neighbor’s property. The man yells nasty things at the neighbor and the neighbor returns the favor. The neighbor takes the man to court for harassment during the hunts. The judge sides with the man after he describes himself, his wife, and his teenage daughter, and Yorkipoos being terrorized to the point of hiding in the bathroom when the neighbor comes to the property. This makes the man happy, but it is not enough! The man calls in planning and zoning complaints to no avail. For now the man is content calling the cops whenever the neighbor is on the property and making up stories to convince them that the neighbor is some crazed lunatic with a weapon and a flashlight bent on his destruction.

The moral of the story is that some people are envious of the happiness of others. They do not like to see others succeed or enjoy the blessings that come into their lives. These people often have no friends or help offered to them because they are mean. They often do not realize that this is the reason they have no friends.

Now the man continues to do his misdeeds, but the caring father-in-law that gave the land for peaceful living is selling the rest of the surrounding acreage. He doesn’t want to be his neighbor either!!!!

Snark writes:

I was so relieved to find your blog on hating neighbors, because I hate the ones that live next to me. Here's the story:

I moved here two years ago, it is an old neighborhood and my house was built in 1930. As you can imagine, it was in severe disrepair and in need of paint, total rehab inside and out plus modern conveniences such as plumbing lines and new electrical. The neighborhood is great, at least I thought it was before I moved here, and there are people that come thru on weekends househunting like crazy. I have had several inquiries about selling my house, but with all the work that I did I am way in debt and cant sell it for enough to recover the cost of repairs.

The neighbours have come into my home uninvited and given themselves a tour, parked in my parking area and refused to move while leaving the front of their home free of vehicles. They have told their guests to park in front of my driveway instead of around the corner on the side street and been generally rude, inconsiderate and unpleasant. They try to tell me what color to paint the house, what plants to use in landscaping, seriously nagging on small stuff. I thought they were jealous of something, but I couldn't figure out what. Things got worse from the time we couldn't come to an agreement that they shouldn't park in front of my house. Apparently the old lady (now dead) that lived here before me didn't drive told them it was ok. She is dead, I'm here. There is a new sheriff in town and everything changes.

In a nutshell, my neighbors filed for divorce, dragged the whole neighborhood into it, like "pick a side" and then decided that everyone else was the problem. These two should work it out because they totally deserve their psycho selves. They are a middle age (43-45?) couple with a tween (11-13?) daughter and two other teenage girls (19-21?) that they took in to live with them plus an idiot dog that constantly shits on my lawn. Both are educators and I don't know how or why they took these two former students in, but they did. These girls are part of the problem as well as the family in general.

The big story is that I saw the hubby kiss the eldest teen girl in the driveway in front of god and everyone. Not a hello kiss, but an open-mouth kiss. Then the wife comes over and tells my old man that her hubby filed for divorce and had her served on her birthday. Nice guy. So after she tells me that her old man left her, I told her what I saw. She tells me that the teen girl has been knocked up 3 times so far and has no idea who could be impregnating the girl. Whatever, I leave it to her to put that together. She claims to be trained as a human lie detector, but insists on asking her husband if it was true or not. Of course he denies it as does the young girl that he was making out with.

Now I am the enemy. Great! I knew I shouldn't have said anything, because they would come together to turn on me, but when she was pressing me for any suspicious activity, I screwed up and told her the truth. Naturally he denies it and comes up to me, threatening to sue me for ruining his marriage (but he had already filed for divorce and moved out at that point) and demanding an apology. I didnt give him any apology. He filed for divorce and was mad that his wife found out why he left her to screw the chick living in the guest house? Whatever. He ordered me off the property (their driveway and my lawn are connected) but wouldn't let me leave. I finally go home and realize that it was a total set up, that she came out and started talking to me and kept up the conversation until Mr. Wonderful could come home and go off on me.

So weeks turn into months and this creep is no where to be seen. Two weeks ago he comes up to my old man who was mowing our grass and tells him they need to "talk" because he is moving back home, but my old man tells him to pound it. I was so proud! He got to say what I didn't get to say when that jerk threatened and went off on me. So now, we act like we don't see each other, except when the husband tries to stare me down, that is so funny I cant help but bust out in laughter. But I feel so uncomfortable about all that happened and wish I could undo it. I apologized to her but I wont even talk with him. If I say anything it will probably make him cry as I am that angry. I am hoping that they will move soon, to get away from the "glare" of the neighborhood knowing their business because as social climbers, they cant really advance any further now that everyone knows their dirty secrets. Yet in the event that they don't I have already started house hunting and will dump this place when the market ticks upward.

Moral to the story: before you buy, investigate the neighborhood. Park your car on the street for a few minutes (15-20) at various times of day and you can get a real feel of what is happening and decide if you want to live in those surroundings or not.

Buying A House? 10 Things To Check BEFORE You Purchase

There are lots of things to consider before purchasing your first home. Smart buyers will be looking at electrical, plumbing, roof, furnace, etc. You can hire a professional home inspector but you can't hire a neighbour inspector. There are however a few easy things you can do to reduce the chance of ending up with bad neighbours.

1. Check the lawns. I know it is shallow and not exactly fitting with the new "green" sensibilities of many folks but this is really a no-brainer. You are not looking for neighbours with golf-course perfect lawns, but for simple signs that they are well cared for. Have they been edged (should be done twice a year in spring and fall) recently? Flowers and bushes trimmed and maintained and relatively free of weeds? If there are mature trees check on their overall health. Have dead branches been removed?
2. Seasonal Decor. If it is Fall are there displays of pumpkins, hay bales, corn stalks, etc? Hanging baskets of flowers in the summer? During the holiday season look for simple and not overdone light displays.
3. Children. How old are your kids and how will they relate/play with their new neighbours? If you have a 10 year old and a 14 year old then you will likely get along better with neighbours with children in the same general age range. Having older kids surrounded by children still in grade school could be a recipe for conflict. Kids will be kids, so don't get turned off by some clutter. In fact, bikes scattered on a driveway and chalk drawings of hopscotch on the sidewalk are things you WANT to see (if you have kids of course).
4. General State of Repair. Sure you will look at the condition of the roof, gutters, siding, bricks, etc. of the home you are thinking of buying but you should also review the state of repair on all neighbouring properties. A street of well maintained homes indicates not only pride of ownership but shared interests and also likely will result in rising property values (great for your investment).
5. Traffic patterns. Its all about location location location. Observe the street during different times of the day, especially during the morning rush hour and mid-afternoon (the hour after school is out for the day).
6. Driveways. Avoid shared driveways at all costs. They are far more common in urban areas with semi-detatched homes then in the suburbs. I've been told by more then a few Real Estate agents that shared driveways are the #1 cause of friction between neighbours. This one relates to #7... just what is parked on the driveway?
7. Vehicles. Check for "eye sore" vehicles. Broken down or pseudo-abandoned cars on blocks are obvious but you should also be on the lookout for large cube vans or other business vehicles that neighbours may regularly park out front. Also large RV and campers. Staring at the side of a giant cube van that is blocking your view can get pretty irritating over the long term.
8. Local Businesses. Get to know them. The idea of living in a centrally located ethnic downtown neighbourhood sounds great until you realize the quaint little Italian coffee shop on the corner morphs into a full-fledged bar on Friday nights where every Gino and Gina for 20 blocks in each direction converges to drink, talk really loud, and watch UEFA soccer.
9. Garbage Day. Garbage should only be on the curb the night before pickup. It should also be neat and tidy. Yes it is garbage, but that is not excuse to not use a solid and sturdy container to prevent animals from dumping and creating a huge mess. On a side note. Just what is it with old mattresses? How come you never see a mattress on the curb that is just "old" and slightly worn out. People buy new mattresses every day, but the ones you see thrown out always look like they have spent the last 10 years in a Mexican bordello. Was someone really sleeping on that horrible thing the night before? Is that stain blood or sperm or both?
10. Pets. I love dogs. I have one myself. However, you should be wary of neighbours with outdoor dogs. An outdoor dog usually means nightly barking. If a neighbour does have an outdoor dog at least look for one that looks healthy and loved and with a shelter that appears to be well maintained and clean. If there are outdoor cats in the neighbourhood be prepared to find suprises buried in your garden on occassion.

Jaak writes:

Our neighbor has problems. In his head.

He's had issues to the point where other neighbours have moved out of their houses. We decided to stand our ground. My father was a concentration campsurvivor, so pfft to my neighbor.

In 2005 he punctured our central air conditioning unit. Our househeated up to 40 C. The windows aren't built for a window airconditioning unit. We hired a contractor. The hose for the freon ran along the property line. Our neighbor chased him off.

Now we also have a son, who was 6 months old at the time. The police get involved, as the necessities of life are within their jurisdiction (remember that kid who died of heatstroke when it was 40 C? If not, rest assured the police do). The repair was finally taken care of while the police restrained him.

Now my neighbor stalks me while I drop off my son to daycare. He and his wife have done this 6 times in the past year. The police say they need more than this. In the meantime, he's paved over 1/4 of our front lawn for his car. The police say that is a civil matter. I hired a surveyor to make sure of our property and the related rights. When they attempted to take the measurements he physically threatened one of them. The police were called but they didn't fine or charge him for interfering. Some people thinks it is because he's a retired cop.

Now he likes to point his finger like it's a gun and then say "pow". I hate this. I can't get a fence until I get a survey, and I can't get a survey because he threatens physical interference and no one will doanything. Advice is appreciated.

Ca1v1n Replies:

First sorry it took me a month to get this posted, I was attempted to organize my inbox and well nevermind... got lost in the shuffle. Your best bet for getting a survey in my opinion would be to have it done while he is on vacation or out of the house. Now, this may be difficult to arrange, however if you have read the Harry Potter series of books you may be familiar with a particular trick. Harry's uncle and aunt were sent a letter saying they had won the "Best Lawn" competition and to come to a certain place at a certain time to pick up their prize. This of course was a trick, but it allowed Harry to get snuck out of the house by his friends from Hogwarts. Something as simple as this may work. Perhaps two phony tickets to a "Fraternal Order of Policemans Dinner" at City Hall or something of that nature. Get the survey done and the fence built ASAP after that (same day if possible). I also recommend you get some video footage of the violent hand gestures.

This reminds me of something that happened to my father-in-law. He had a 10 year battle with his neighbour over a property line. Every year the survey was done and the property line marked. Every year the survey confirmed what my father-in-law believed to be the accurate properly line (which the neighbour contested). Once the markers were put in the ground the neighbour promptly moved them 2 feet to the right... every year for 10 years.

Finally two years ago (by some strange coincidence) the person doing the survey turned out to be a "golf-buddy" of the neighbour. Suddenly after 10 years the survey indicated the property line was 2 feet to the right of where it had been. THE SAME DAY the survey was done my father-in-law arrived home to find a fence had been built. They had literally put it up in a matter of a couple hours.

Turns out the neighbour had everything planned. Had all the materials sitting in his garage ready to go. Now the lawyer said my father-in-law would probably win if it went to court, but all things considered, why not just forget about the whole thing. This isn't a city lot, but a large rural lot (we are talking 200' in size) so 2 feet one way or another does not really matter. He got a free (and very nice) fence out of the deal and would have many thousands of $ in legal fees even if he did win. So he washed his hands of the whole thing.

This would never work in a urban area, where lot sizes are small and 2 feet can make a huge difference.

Jazzman writes:

A year ago my new neighbors bought the house right next door. They have a mixed bag of people in their marriage and their house. The mother is a quiet, keep to herself, "I don't hear anything or see anything" kind of parent. In other words the teenage kids can do whatever they want to whoever they want and its OK. She works nights and so does her husband.

Since they have moved in we have had "accidental" paintballs hit our car. Our house was also egged. Now as of this morning...

It was about 10 AM. I went out to my car to go take my daughter to go shopping. When I get to my car I find toothepaste on and under my door handles. Instantly pissed I went looking for the teenage kids. Well the 2 girls were in their front yard talking. I asked the one girl if I could talk to her. She instantly said "Why?" in a really snotty tone. I said I need to ask her a question. I told her about the toothepaste (because thats all I had noticed so far). She claimed innocence, "We didn't do anything..leave us alone! Quit talking to me, etc." I went in the house and got my husband.

He came out and said a few things to them while I took pictures of my car. Then I noticed some other things. Like toothepaste on my lawn chairs, my mailbox had dog poop on it and a waterpump I have for decoration on front was wearing a Depends diaper. (That actually sounds pretty funny, wish I could see a picture - Ca1v1n)

My daughter left her boom box outside and someone had poured soda in it. We also found empty soda cans and cigarettes all over my front yard. Then I noticed they had egged my husbands car. I was ready to choke them.

I cleaned my car off and went to the police station and reported it. By the time I got home the parents were home and talking to my husband. They all believed it was the 2 or possibly 3 of the teenage girls visiting there last night. We also found a notebook my daughters had left outside and these girls wrote all sorts of disgusting and nasty things in it. When the police arrived I showed him my pictures and the notebook so it would all be on record.

I just wish they would move and leave us the hell alone!

Jesse writes:

Well I live in a decent enough apartment, good location. I moved in around 4 months ago on a Friday. That night the lady next to me blasted the music all night. It sounded like her speakers where right next to my head, well no big deal it was a Friday but it has been an everyday and every night thing since. People (men) always coming and going all hours of the night with a fight at least once a week, its like a bunch of dogs fighting over a piece of meat!

When she decides to leave the house and people come knocking and she don’t answer they end up knocking on my door and I don’t even know these losers. I answer the door to some dead head wondering if I know where she is, give me a freaking break! I even had one guy come looking for her and then he ask me if he could move in my place and pay half the rent! WTF! That set me off and he hasn’t been back since. I

I cant even walk out of this place without someone asking if I want to buy some pills or walk out into some kind of drama. I have lived in this town for 20 some years and have never seen anything like this. The sad part of it all is she has 2 kids which I feel sorry for which brings me to my next rant. She seems to lose her kids often and stands outside screaming her kids name when she could just get off her butt and go look or tell them not to leave the yard.

I noticed on your site a lot of people have problems like this what the hell is wrong with people there is just no respect for others anymore. For anyone out there that plays music like that, may you all go deaf! Before I do anyway.

Neighbours 911 Casting Call

New reality show for Court TV is looking for stories and drama between you & your neighbors. The camera crew would come to YOU but you have to be living within 1 hour of NYC.

If selected you (and your neighbor) would be compensated $1500 for sharing your story on the show and the host would make some sort of ruling as to who's in the right. The 'winner' is compensated with some additional money up to $3000 depending on the issue at hand.

Let the shows mediator listen to both sides and offer up a solution. If you've been dealing with some pretty ridiculous folks next door you DESERVE that money.

I would LOVE to hear the stories of anyone interested in participating in the show. It's been difficult finding people who have neighbors from hell so I'm hoping that some of you might want to share your madness with us. You can certainly post here or email me your contact info & story to Lizlewiscasting@gmail.com. Thanks for listening. I hope to hear from some of you soon!

Nikki Vitale
Casting Associate
Liz Lewis Casting Partners
129 W 20th NY, NY
10010
212-645-1500 x117

Name Withheld By Request writes:

I happened upon your blog as I was searching the internet, attempting to try to comfort myself with the thought that there must be people suffering with worse neighbours than I am....

Ca1v1n Replies...

I've removed the rest of the post at the request of the sender who got cold feet and is paranoid her neighbours are going to axe murder her or something. I have mixed feelings about this. For one, once you send me something I'm of the opinion you have given up any right to decide how I use it. Regardless, the person asked nicely so I have removed the post. On top of that, once something is on the Internet it is there forever thanks to things like Google cache or other services. Once something is tossed into the electronic sea there is always a way to find it again. I know this first hand because there are a few newsgroup postings from 1996 that I regret something horrible.

Name Withheld by Request writes:

I have lived in my very nice house in CENSORED with my husband for 5 years and the "neighbours" moved in two years ago after my very cool first nieghbour moved away. They understood that there was a hole in my fence so the stray cats I look after could crawl through it. I inherited this issue from my last nieghbour who was very kind and a friend to these animals. There are only 2 anyway and sleep in my shed spending most of their time on my property and have no way damaged anything next door. So after two years of peaceful existence the "old man" nailed a bunch of chicken wire to my wooden fence and to my hundred year old Elm tree. When we asked him to move it he was very rude and said no one was going to tell him what to do on his "f-ing" property. Problem is our fence is not on the exact property line and we own a few feet beyond it. Something he overlooked because as his wife pointed out to me "they paid cash for their house and didn't need a survey".

These aren't stupid people on paper but their naivete is amazing. We had a survey done to show them their error and delivered a lawyers letter which we hoped would prompt a compromise (since we were told not to trespass). My husband got a call from Mr. Crazy threatening to cut down most of my Elm tree which hangs on his side of the fence and call the Humane Society to trap and kill the strays I look after. His idea of compromise is threats which he has done before for little things he overreacted about. We've been keeping track of all his nonsense and determined he was a loose cannon long ago. Obviously he and his Uber Frau whom I thought was my friend know how to hurt me to get what they want. Nice people. They got their compromise with a another legal letter. We figure this nutcase was so angry we called a lawyer because apparently he thinks that because he is a doctor he is above the rest of humanity. We intend on replacing the fence and taking the full property line in the next year or two.

This week Mr. Crazy decided to spray paint his deck in the wind and the overspray was drifting toward my very expensive house. When I very politely pointed this out he said he was finished anyway and turned around to spray his last couple of feet. He basically ignored me because I am a woman so I will have my husband call him and let him know there was no damage this time but could he consider not spraying on a windy day next time? He is just ignorant. He is not considerate of other peoples property and cares only for himself. No one else on the street even knows their names they are so self absorbed and selfish. I am hoping to never speak to them again and live my quiet life. They are not noisy which seems to be a major complaint for other peoples problems but someone who disrespects you and your property is a lousy neighbour.

Sam writes:

My neighbor's daughter and son-in-law lost their home to the bank so he took them in recently. The son-in-law has taken the house over. He apparently isn't paying his bills so he has been buying cars and boats and dragging them over to the neighbors house. Well in the process of backing all this shit into their driveway he drives through our yard and over our flower bed. I put out reflectors but he ran over those as well.

A few weeks ago I put a post in the yard to help defend the flower bed and the side of the house. He comes over to my house banging on the door telling me it wasn't right that I put a post IN MY YARD because he might scratch his truck. I have since had my property surveyed and I am having a metal chainlink fence put around our yard. These people suck and it is hard to have a logical conversation with redneck morons.

I wish I could fuck up and lose everything so I could move back in with my parents and buy a Jaguar and a Harley. What the hell is wrong with people? I wonder how someone goes about letting his creditors know where he lives now?

Ca1v1n replies:

You want the #1 solution for someone driving over your flower bed... CALTROPS. Realistically that is probably not a good idea. You will be out watering your plants one day and forget the area is a minefield. Next thing you know you need a tetanus shot.

Chain link fences are ugly and if you are only needing to protect one specific corner of your lot I would recommend a 'decorative boulder'. I once knew a guy who had a drunk driver crash into is front living room. He put a couple huge boulders in the center of his front yard so that could never happen again. The odds are it wouldn't have ever happened again anyway but it made him feel more at ease while watching TV.

I'm also willing to bet you could find the creditors easy enough. You could start with the vehicles. Most car dealerships have those stupid logos they put on cars or on the license plate frame. Get the name of the dealership and then give them a call. You could also just Google 'Collection Agency' and find somebody local.

KJF writes:

I recently moved to Las Vegas from NY. Boy what a change! This town is crawling with LOSERS. I first made the ENORMOUS mistake of trying to live in an apartment until the housing market collapses and prices come down. I only survived 1 year there because the cigarette smoke and noise from countless IDIOT neighbors was killing me.

I thought a house would be much better, and they are in that no one shares a wall with you, or god forbid a ceiling, BUT the house dwellers are mostly morons also, largely because most of the houses are RENTED out by idiots who live 3000 miles away and let some disability collecting winos trash their place.

I have 2 immediate neighbors -on one side is a house full of at least 6 single loser guys. Since there are at least 6 of them, each pays about $200 a month in rent. They leave their smelly trash all over the yard, and every Saturday night they sit out in their backyard till at least 2 in the morning getting drunk and "singing" at the top of their lungs. One of them used to sit at home ALL DAY playing music loud enough for me to feel and hear the bass next door until I finally called the cops to shut him up.

On my other side I have this family with 3 sons (also non-owner TENANTS). The father is essentially Homer Simpson. He INTENTIALLY modified his truck sothat it runs loud enough to be mistaken for a jet aircraft. My entire house vibrates if he just idles in his driveway, which he does often, as late as midnight and as early as 5am.

DO LOSERS EVER SLEEP????

Then we have the imbecile sons. The oldest appears totally braindead and on something, the middle one rides a dirtbike around at all hours, sometimes for 8 hours or more at a time. He just rides around the block, he doesn't even go anywhere. The darn dirtbike is even LOUDER than his idiot father's truck. The gas from this dirtbike smells to high heaven, so the entire neighborhood usually stinks like an INDY 500 pit stop.

The youngest son isn't old enough yet to be irritating, but he will get there. Four times since I first moved in next door these idiots flooded my yard because their sprinkler broke and they didn't want to spent $200 to fix it. I had to call the water dept to finally get it resolved.

They have a HIDEOUS flat trailer they use to haul around their dirtbikes EVERY weekend and it stays parked in front of their house, in the street all the time. They have no room to park anything in their garage, because they keep a BOAT in the garage, EVEN THOUGH WE LIVE INTHE MIDDLE OF A FRIGGIN DESERT.

His wife is a very nice lady, honestly I have no idea how women put up with such LOSERS and MORONS. My experience has always been that it is the MALE neighbors who cause all the problems. Women do not usually make noise or mess, or infringe on others rights.

My only hope is that since these neighbors are all tenants maybe the owners will sell out their houses from under them and the price will drop far enough so I can buy both properties and toss these losers out. Next time I'm buying 300 acres in the middle of Bumblefuck, Georgia so I have no humans within earshot.

PS: The only neighbor I ever really LIKED was way back in 1970 when I was 4 years old. We had a truly marvelous lady and her family living next door. Never any noise or trouble for many many years, and a truly wonderful person. She moved out around 1995, and it was all downhill after that. I don't think there are any good people left out there. They really need to do away with all these government handouts (welfare, section8, disability, foodstamps, etc.). It is disgusting how it breeds losers upon losers

Lynda writes:

We bought a home for our daughters to live in while they complete college. When our oldest daughter first moved in she had some parties where all the classic bad things happened, underage drinking, people showing up without invites, and parties that got out of hand. The house is in a nice neighborhood with mostly young families, but some older. Our home’s back patio is about 5 feet from the neighbors bedroom window. If anyone goes outside to make a cell phone call it disturbs them.

Over the years (3), they have complained and each time the kids in the house have tried harder to be better neighbors. Unfortunately, it is hard for college kids to be totally quiet all the time. Especially with a distance of 5 feet to the neighbors bedroom window. The neighbors have a newborn that goes to bed at 7PM. The neighbors started calling the police every time the kids in the house had friends over. Every time they would complain the kids would go over and talk with them, bake them cookies and try to work it out. The police have been called 5 times. They have gone to the University and put a note in my daughters file (the house is 2 miles from campus), they have talked with campus security and had the kids files flagged. My daughter is mortified. She feels like she is being harassed and she cannot do anything to stand up for herself, meanwhile the neighbors are documenting ever little thing.

After meeting with the neighbors last August they finally felt like they have come up with an agreement. One party per quarter and to give notice so the neighbors could be away when the party happened. Only one time did the police actually find anything. The roommate that moved out had a party while my daughter was on vacation. A young man was found passed out on the back porch. This particular roommate was the cause of many of the issues. She moved out in the fall and it is all new kids in the house. The problem is now the neighbors say all bets are off and call the police for every infraction. Because their roommate had this particular party, the neighbors did not respond when in Nov. the kids send a note saying in December they planned to have 12 friends over at the end of the term. When the neighbors did not respond, to what the kids had thought they had agreed to, (One party per quarter), I called them on the phone, it was 6:00 the night of the party. They said if it was noisy at all they would call the police, there was no olive branch, no way to work it out. The kids didn’t want to police to show so they told their friends not to come and cancelled the party. They felt harassed and like there was no way to work it out.

The real problem is the proximity of the houses and it is no one’s fault that it is impossible to be quiet enough to make these neighbors happy.

The extent to which they have visitors now is from 3 PM to about 7PM for BBQ’s. The neighbors still call the cops. Last time they called the police, the kids had a BBQ that ended at 8PM, the police showed up at 9PM and one of the roommates was home doing homework in her PJ’s. Later that night, when one of the roomies (who had had some beer at the concert) decided to wake them up by calling them on the phone through the night. They traced the number and 5 cop cars surrounded the house. The kids were so scared with the police pounding on the door that they all hid under their beds and waited 45 minutes for the police to leave.

What you have to understand is these are all honors students with higher than 3.75 GPA’s. They are not lazy losers. The house is clean, they grow vegetables and keep the lawn mowed, they bake their neighbors cookies and try to find a way to work it out. The kids are seniors and we plan to have a graduation party for them. We feel we own the house and should be able to have a celebration without any cops even if the neighbors can hear voices and music over the fence. No other neighbor has ever complained or had issue with the kids.

Is there anything we can do? We have decided to sell the house which should make the neighbors happy. They tell us any noise at any hour of the day that they can hear with their window open is a noise disturbance.

When grandpa answers the door at the party, maybe the police will realize the neighbor has gone a little overboard. There doesn’t seem to be anyway the kids can defend themselves which is the sad part. And they are really good kids

Graham writes:

Well, there I was surfing for help on bad neighbor’s and hit your spot. I don’t think my story compares with some of the stories I have read, but here it is. My shitty neighbor(s) are a white trash family living across the street. They are classic piece of shit neighbors with eight cars but all shitty and only three of which actually run. If a piece of siding blows off their house from wind they just leave it. Weeds? Forget about it. Lazy, you know it.

My bitch is with the Red Truck. A real beauty, this 1976 rusted out crap is parked across the street (right in front of my house). Why? I don’t know, they have always parked it there even when there is room to cram it in their driveway. They sometimes decorate this shitty truck with garbage in the back of it for up to four moths at time. This thing only moves about 4 times a year, why they keep it insured is a joke.

The problem is that it is legally parked and it is in driving condition, (it needs a boost everytime but otherwise). The law says if it is on a public street within 100 feet of the registered address and they are able to prove it is drivable then it is ok. How would you like a really ugly truck full of garbage bags and junk parked in front of your house?

Any ideas on how to get rid of this thing?

Ca1v1n replies:

I say disable the car in the middle of the night, then phone the cops and report it as abandoned junk. They will be forced to prove it runs but it won't. You could do something as simple as pulling the spark plugs or disconnecting the battery. Better yet grab the battery one night and run it down then replace it the next night. Disconnect the starter would be another option. How about unbolt all the tires. When the cops come and they start it up and try to drive it away all the wheels fall off. That would be classic.

Of course all of the above is vandalism and you could end up being charged criminally so I don't seriously recommend you do anything listed above. You could put a For Sale sign on it? You never know, perhaps some guy who likes to restore old trucks will ring their doorbell and offer then $500 bucks for it (and who knows they may accept).

Whatever happens, good luck, you'll need it!

Cassie writes:

My husband and I just bought our first house, and our neighbors are the WORST. The woman next door runs a day care, and not a licensed one. The children are HORRIBLE. It seems to me they are forced to stay outside all day. I once saw one of the youngest girls go into the house and heard someone inside yelling and she came back outside crying.

Our houses are both close to the property line, their car-port and part of their house is right on the property line. There is a strip of yard about 4 ft wide and 8ft long that belongs to us, and the children play on it. It wouldn't be a big deal except the children scream and hit the side of our house with objects (balls, wooden boards, etc.). The boys even drop their pants right outside our window and pee on our yard. All the grass in that area is now dead.

They leave trash in the yard, and we will find items like childrens clothing in our bushes. If they are outside playing when a friend or family member comes to our house, the children yell at them, and cuss at them while they are on my front porch waiting for me to open the door. They are loud, rude, and unsanitary.

I have a 4 month old daughter and I cant even put her in her room for naps during the day because they are so loud. I just don't know what to do. This is supposed to be a happy time for our new family. Our house is very nice, new siding, new roof, etc. The house next door looks like it is about to be condemed.

Once I did talk with the woman next door and she said she understood. She made the children pick up all the trash but that isn't good enough damn it! All our grass is gone on that side of the house and I still can't put my daughter in HER ROOM for naps. I can not handle those little boys pissing in the yard and on our house!

I'm not sure what to do now, I was thinking I could call SRS on the woman (and she would deserve it too, there are children out there in diapers with absolutly no supervision, except some older children that are mean to them and hit them constantly). If I could find out that they rent that house I could try to get them evicted but if they own the house, I just dont know what I am going to do. I fear calling the police becasue if they don't do anything it could just cause the children to destroy more of our property and be even louder.

Finally this tops the cake... Earlier I looked out and seen a cross dressing black man pushing a grocery cart full of trash up the ally and into their house with it! WHAT THE FUCK!!??? Please do you have any advice for me? I would be forever grateful.

Ca1v1n replies:

No doubt you have quite a situation on your hands. Little can be done about the noise (unless you can get the daycare completely shut down but as you mentioned that could backfire and make the situation worse). I'm not sure about the laws where you live but in Ontario (Canada) a daycare with up to 5 children can be run without any license from any residence.

At least the trash is picked up. Now as they say, good fences make good neighbours. Your best bet may be to now put up something (chain link may be ugly but its cheap and you can get it done in a weekend).

Liz writes:

Speaking of shitty neighbors, WE HATE OUR NEIGHBOR.

She wears a different wig everytime we see her. Along with her sex call job she has a different guy and different group of friends every weekend. We can not figure out if she used to be a man or is just a very confused 34 yr old.

The only reason I know about her job and age is because when she first moved in we met her thinking she may be kind of normal. She plays music and sings at the top of her lungs on Saturday and Sunday morning. She has no respect for any of the three other tenants and smells like absolute shit. The hallway picks up the stale smoke and old lady perfume and our walls vibrate to 80's rock mixed with folk music. (The only thing worse then somebody still living in the 60's is somebody still living in the 80's - Editor) I hate her, I have asked her nicely to keep music down at 3am and 5am and she still considers herself above and beyond everyone. In reality she is just uneducated and slutty.

We want to call the cops but we live in Philadelphia, I mean will they really do aything? (Ask the members of MOVE about what cops can do - Editor) Our previous neighbour was a crack dealer and now this girl. It has been the worst 2 years of our lives.

Evelyn writes:

Fuck do i hate my neighbour, but I hate his mother more! Let's begin with all the bad points of the actual neighbour.

1) He is a filthy pig. The garden is in disarray, with dog shit everywhere. I can sit in my front yard on a warm day when the sun is beating down on the poo, wafting beautiful smells my way.

2) He contributes nothing to society. He is a dole bludger, sitting on his lazy arse all day, doing nothing except doing and selling drugs. Really adds to the neighbourhood.

3) As mentioned above, his selling of drugs. People come and go at a rapid pace. They leave looking like they are in a different state of mind. People sit in their cars whilst he goes over leans through the window reaches in, stands up, places his hand in his pocket and then goes inside.... until an hour later when the next visitor comes.

4) He has a dog the cries from the moment he leaves until he returns. It would be ok during the day, because we are at work. However, it also occurs during the evening.

I HATE HIS MUM MORE!

What a stupid woman, leaving her 21 year old son in her house. She pays the bills and he pays no rent. They bring food to him! She has to be as thick as dog shit to be unaware what her son is up to. We even tracked this woman down and tried to explain the situation to her but to no avail. The lip service was good but that was it.

Just wanted to moan because no one seems to care when you phone. You have to keep noise diaries or take down rego numbers with times. Seriously, I don't have the energy anymore.

Ca1v1n writes:

If your neighbour is seriously selling drugs you won't get him busted by calling the cops and saying something like "my neighbour is selling drugs". The cops will just think they have some small-time weed dealer and it is not worth their time or energy. Frankly that sounds accurate from your description.

If you really want to get this kid busted your best option is to call an anonymous tip in from a payphone across town. Phone the police main telephone # (not the emergency #, find out the main station telephone). Call and ask to speak to someone in narcotics. Don't take no for an answer, demand that they get you on the phone with a Detective from narcotics. Tell the detective that you have evidence that if they go to blah blah address and look under the loose floorboard in the kitchen (or something specific like that) they will find a large amount (say a specific but not ridiculous amount... like 1/4 lb) of crystal methamphetamine (or heroin or cocaine). I recommend crystal meth because its all the rage these days and has a fair amount of media attention. Cops will salivate at the chance of a major meth bust making the evening news.

The cops will stake out the house first. The short-stay traffic plus your tip will be enough to get a warrant. Just to remind you, when the cops bust him he will be out of jail that same day, so don't get your hopes up (because he will only have some weed and that really isn't serious). However, this may get the attention of his mother.

Just to clarify... the above is very mean and heartless and I do not encourage or recommend you do it.

Eastinurban writes:

I just need a suggestion, I have a neighbor that plays her music too loud. Christmas day the bass from her stereo knocked a picture off my wall. I hammer the picture back on the wall. You know what this heffier did? She called the apartment manager on me.

Now prior to this incident I have tried to ask her to turn it down but she just does not answer the door. I once called the police and again she did not answer the door. The she told my son she was going to dot my eye if the cops were called again.

Now I live in a predominantly black neighborhood and I am not black. I have however lived here 16 years. I never have had a problem like this! I have had my windshield smashed in, window broken and egged but never anything as annoying as this.

I know if I call the Police my tires probably will be slashed or worse. Management refuses to do anything about it what now what can I do. It is now April and I don't know what to do.

Ca1v1n replies:

I would think your best bet is to play similar music. If she is playing hip-hop then break out some serious gangsta rap. How about Dr. Dre's 1992 classic 'The Chronic' which should be in the collection of every white person in America? Buy yourself a Raiders cap and some baggy khakhi pants (make sure they have a cuff and a crease).

But seriously... I once had a neighbour who was always complaining about my music. I tried to be slightly respectful, keeping the volume down after 11pm and I never really cranked the stereo unless they were at work.

One day I was listening to the new Eminem album at top volume. It was during the day, I knew he was at work because his car wasn't in the parking lot out front of the building. Turned out his girlfriend (or the ho' from the night before at least) was still in his apartment. She knocked on the door and complained about the music. I turned it down. She knocked again and complained. I thought she couldn't be serious so I questioned how loud could it possibly be? She invited me into their apartment and I must admit I was suprised, the sound was louder then I thought it would be.

So my suggestion? Next time she is cranking the music invite her over to your pad. Be nice about it. Have her sit down on your couch and show her how difficult it is for you to watch Dancing with the Stars with the sound coming thru the wall. Take this time to get to know each other and bury the hatchet (I recommend a nice blunt to ease the tension). The whole point is that you want your neighbour to think twice before they crank their stereo the next time.

Bonniesqueak writes:

The people who live above us are the worst! During the day when the apartment manager is here, it isn't too bad, but as soon as she leaves watch out. The noise starts at 4:01. It sounds like a sofa being dropped on the floor over and over again.

Then the exercising, jumping jacks and running in place. She must weigh 300 pounds. Then it's singing along with the stereo. It quiets down for awhile after that. Then pacing from living room to bedroom for at least 30 mins. At bath time the shampoo bottles are dropped in the tub, then after she has to run to the bedroom again. Now it's time for company. They all start laughing & talking over each other.

About 10:30 it gets quiet and at 11:00 he comes home. Now there is an argument, doors slam, they stomp from room to room, argue some more. At about 6:00 am they shut up. When we (the other neighbors & us) complained to the manager, they said it had to be the people on the 3rd floor

Kathryn writes:

The woman who runs the management office for my building hired her brother to be our landlord last year. I caught him smoking in the building and then leaving the door open and unattended. He thought that would get rid of the smell. I confronted him politely and he was an idiot. Mind you he won’t talk to me anyway because I’m woman and what the hell do I know? I wrote to the office and I guess they gave him crap. There is a law about smoking in common areas of a building. Leaving the door open is a security issue.

Then he allows some idiots like himself to move in under me. They are loud and stupid. I haven’t seen them because they never leave the apartment!

Another time he went into my place without telling me about it first. I called him and he admitted it but was very condescending. When my boyfriend is over the landlord will address him even though I’m the tenant. It’s actually fun to stand up to him because he doesn’t know anything about the law.

My wife called me at work today. I guess one of our neighbours had rang the doorbell. When she answered the door the guy yells...

"Is that your goddam black dog?"

Not "Hello..." or "Hi, I live a few doors down and..."

You see, we don't have a fence right now. Well we do, but there are huge holes in it. We bought the house that way (with a broken fence). It is on the agenda to be repaired. I even have all the materials in the garage. I'm just waiting for a weekend without snow or rain so I can get it done.

So we let our dog out into our yard and the honest truth is he doesn't stray. He stays in our yard. Not because he is trained to or anything, but because he is a calm and friendly (and old) dog who just needs to go outside every now and then. Usually he sits on the grass and does a whole lot of nothing.

I guess yesterday however this cat from down the street wandered into our backyard. Our dog of course chased the cat. Not a snarling, barking chase but a "hey lets play" chase. He chased the cat two doors down, which is further then he has ever strayed.

So the neighbour comes knocking on the door, and not in a nice way going on about my "goddam dog". He was rude, sputtering, and crusty. To my wifes credit she held her ground. She explained that our dog would never hurt his poor cat. She explained that we planned on fixing the fence as soon as we could. She apologized for the inconvenience. Yet the guy kept coming...

So then she asked what his cat was doing in our yard in the first place? Doesn't he understand that by allowing his cat roam outdoors he is taking some inherent risks and should accept that? She mentioned that his cat spends alot of time sitting on our front porch which upsets our animals. (We've been woken up many times to the sound of our cat screaching at this invader she sees outside the window... this of course causes our dog to bark... its a vicious escalation)

So she basically told him to piss off and to keep his cat off our property or he is fair game.

The thing is, if the guy had come to the door and said "Hi, I'm your neighbour from two doors down. I just noticed your dog chase my cat into my backyard. I've never seen him before and I hate to complain but I love my cat and if anything were to happen..."

Of course we would have apologized and told him it would never happen again.

Either way, I guess I finally have to fix that fence this weekend... rain or shine.

Cyndi writes:

I have 2 large dogs. One of which the neighbors would call over to their yard and feed steaks etc. When the house (at that time we were renting) was for sale, they offered to keep him if we couldn't take him. (Sounds great so far)

Well suddenly they decided that the dog has to stay out of their yard (no fence). Then as the dogs had to be tied, she would come over and complain that it is cruel they are tied. She would also bring them food like they were starving, but they already had a full dish. (I wonder if they are now upset because you wouldn't give them your dog?)

When they find shit in their yard (lots of neighborhood dogs roam free and even poop in our yard) they would call us to come over and clean it up. Then they even put shit in a box and put it on our front porch with writing on the box that said they would call the health department and police. (That makes no sense. They know your dog is tied up because they complain about it. WTF? I suggest the old "flaming bag" trick next time they do this. Take the poop, put it in a paper shopping bag. Leave the bag on their front step, light the bag on fire, ring the doorbell, and run! When they open the door the first instinct will be to stomp out the flames.)

I've told her to stay out of my f*#&ing yard many times and even today there was an confrontation. I told them again to stay out of my yard and slammed the door in their face twice. Then they found it nessessary to add some firewood to our firewood pile?? (This must be their way of making up for being assholes?)

I've looked briefly on the net for "things to do to piss off your neighbor" (where i found your blog) but they are just goofy pranks. I just detest these brain dead folks. My hubby did overhear her call to another neighber one day as his dog shat on the bushes near her driveway "Bert, we need to talk...." She proceeded to tell him his dog craps in her yard and the dear old man looked at her and said.." Yeah, dogs do that!"

As funny as it is that the old man replied with that it is still rude. I own a rather large dog myself and I always make sure to pick up after him no matter what. I found that folks in small towns are far less likely to pick up after their dog then in the big city (which makes sense when you think about it) but either way I think it is just plain rude.

Now I am lucky that my specific situation at my current house is a bit different. Neither my neighbour or I have a fence. He has a dog even bigger and stinkier then mine. For some reason my dog shits in his backyard and his dog shits in mine. We are not sure why but thats just what happens. No fights here however, we both laugh about it all the time. I try to "de-poop" my yard about once a month, a bit less in winter when everything is covered with snow. Right now is perfect weather. The snow here has melted but it still is slightly below freezing... easy to pick up. It is key to get the yard cleaned up before the spring thaw when everything is soggy and muddy and a real mess.

I just realized that when I changed the template recently I lost the info on how you can send me your story for publishing. Nothing fancy, just email me at ca1v1n@hotmail.com and I'll post it up.

Being a good neighbour isn't always about the folks next door. If you work in a modern office environment (cubicle farm) like I do being a good neighbour takes on a whole different meaning.

Anybody have a "farter" in the cube next door? Or someone who listens to one of those horrid 'easy listening' radio stations? How about the girl with her entire cube plastered with photos of her slimy looking boyfriend and post-it notes with hand drawn hearts and stars in multi-colored marker?

Someone who picks their nose when they think nobody is watching?

The guy who reaches into his pants and scratches his sack under the desk?

The 'snacker' who has a desk covered with crumbs, coffee stains, and the remains of unknown sticky substances?

The guy who never covers his mouth when he sneezes and you swear you can see snot splatter patterns on the cube wall?

The fat, smelly guy who has a chair that has permanent 'butt marks'?

The old saying goes "Good fences make good neighbours" but that isn't always the case. Being a good neighbour isn't just about staying out of the way or staying hidden.

Sometimes being a good neighbour is alot like being a good friend. For example, telling the truth no matter how much it hurts or warning someone who is about to make a huge mistake.

You don't do this because you are trying to prove a point, or to show one side is right or wrong, it is because you care.

I received a rambling and incoherent letter from a reader today. Normally I would edit and post but it was so bad I would have spent too much time and energy doing a proper editing job. So in a nutshell here is the concern... (paraphrased)

My neighbour and I both enjoy our backyard decks. Due to the way our houses were built my deck is close to the fence while his is more in the exact middle of his backyard. My neighbour recently moved his BBQ over against the fence. I can only assume he did this to minimize the smoke that could disturb anyone sitting on his deck. However his BBQ is now just a few feet from where my picnic table is located. He could easily locate the BBQ somewhere else in his backyard, and when I asked him politely he basically told me to piss off.

BBQ pollution is a serious matter. How many times are you enjoying your backyard only to be disturbed by a neighbour who simply does not know how to properly cook a steak?

I'm still getting used to small town living. One thing I realize I miss about the "big city" is that municipal governments have a bit more influence on your daily life. I'm no advocate of government interference in personal lives but there are some examples of when this is a good thing.

Case in point, shoveling your sidewalk. When I lived in both Toronto (Pop 2.2 Million) and Kitchener-Waterloo (Pop 300,000) there were municipal bylaws regarding the requirement that all property owners shovel their sidewalks within 24 hours of a snowfall.

Sure there were some people who never did it but for the most part everybody complied with the bylaw. If there were complaints to the city they would send a crew out and shovel the sidewalk in front of the offending house, and send the tenant a bill. This wans't done at minimum wage either, these were city workers and that is a union gig. The bill could be several hundred dollars.

Now I live in a very small town (Pop 900) where there is no municipal bylaw regarding shoveling your walk. I seem to be one of the few folks who takes the time to get this done after each major snowfall. Not just because it is the right thing to do (I cringe at the thought of some poor old lady slipping in front of my house or a kid getting hit by a car because their only choice was to walk on the street) but because shoveling snow is really one of the few forms of exercise I get.

I'm going to try to figure out how I can get a citizens initiative on the ballot in our next municipal election.

Speaking of property lines...

My father-in-law lives in a small town about 15 mintues drive from where I live. He has lived in that same house since he had it built roughly 20 years ago. Next door lives someone who I will refer to as "Satan"

Satan has lived there as long as my father-in-law. Possibly longer. There has been a long standing dispute about their properly line.

Satan has always insisted the properly line is about 1 foot farther to the right then it really is. Every year for 10 years he paid someone from the local municipality to come out to measure and confirm the "official" location of the properly line.

Every year they put the marking stakes in the same spot. Every year after they left Kenny (I mean Satan) moved the stake one foot to the right.

This continued literally for 10 years. Until last year. That was the year that (as luck would have it) the person the city sent out to make the measurments was a close personal friend of Satan. Lo and behold suddenly the municipality indicates the properly line is mysteriously moved 1 foot to the right. What are the chances?

I should mention this is not some big-city lot, where a single foot can be worth thousands of dollars. This is rural, small-town, population 300. The lots in question are about 90 feet wide already, so 1 foot either way is really meaningless.

Now of course my father-in-law was a bit upset about this sudden change. He knew full well that Satan had been crossing his fingers every year for 10 years hoping and EVENTUALLY the person the municipality would send out would finally be his friend, his ally. So my father-in-law phoned a lawyer the same day (a Friday), and setup a meeting for Monday morning to discuss what his options were.

He woke up at that Saturday morning to discover that Kenny (I mean Satan) had built a fence overnight. He must have started at about 5am in order to finish by dawn. I should mention that Satan has been on government disability pension for the last 20 years but still somehow is able to build a fence or shingle his roof.

Satan building that fence was an attempt to creating "facts on the ground". For 10 years he didn't build a fence, then suddenly the fence appears overnight. The lawyer my father-in-law spoke with told him that he would take the case, but it would end up costing alot of money and would hardly be worth it. He decided not to pursue the case, and has learned to enjoy the fact that his neighbour built a very nice fence and he didn't have to contribute a dime towards the cost.

As for me? I have a big stinky dog. When we are visiting and he "does his business" in my father-in-laws backyard... I pull out the shovel and heave it over the fence.

I'm using this post to turn over a new leaf. It seems I have little choice. I was told by a friend at work that my site was mentioned on some daytime talk show the other day. If I don't get off my fat butt and actually properly update this on a daily basis now I will lose any momentum I may gain from those brief few seconds of fame.

In essence all my posts and all the stories people share here can be reduced to communication issues. Lack of communication, lack of understanding or misunderstandings, etc. Here we discuss this under the context of two people who live on the same street in the same town in the same country. By this alone they share common experiences and culture that (in theory) should help bridge communication barriers.

The concept of "stupid neighbours" however is not related to Main Street. We have the Isreali/Palestinian conflict as the most glaring example of this on a national, cultural and religious scale. Yet in essence the conflict there is territorial, and at a macro level is the 'Protection Barrier' any different from two Suburban neighbours arguing over their property line?

More tomorrow...

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Amanda Writes:

My husband and I moved into our home in September of 2005. It is a middle class suburban neighborhood and all of the homes are 7 years old or newer and range from 3-5 bedrooms. At the time, the neighbors didn’t seem half bad. I work odd hours in the IT field as I frequently am “on-call” and have to come and go at all hours of the day and night to fix IT problems. My husband comes from a wealthy family, is semi-retired and only works when he feels like it. We have a mutual friend who rents a room in our basement as well.

One of our neighbors called the police claiming that my husband doesn’t leave the house and that greatly concerned them. They questioned how we could afford anything if he doesn’t leave the house, apparently our incomes became their business. They also claimed there was “short stay traffic” coming and going at odd hours of the day and night, and they claimed that we were drug dealers. The police started taking our garbage near the curb at night from our driveway garbage can. Just to clarify, no one in our home does drugs. Two of our neighbors do however. The police found 0.03oz of marijuana in our garbage that someone discarded (not by us). Apparently this was enough for a search warrant to raid our home.

How the marijuana got there? Who knows! We got raided at gunpoint, in our underwear. They found nothing. They also confiscated our meat scale from my kitchen claiming it was used for measuring drugs. Mind you the scale weighs in pounds (lbs) and is made for measuring meat. They were grasping at straws at this point and trying to justify a reason for being there.

A neighbor came over one day and told my husband that she heard in the neighborhood that he was a sex offender. My husband has a clean criminal record, as do I. Apparently someone was having fun spreading rumors. Just to note, I have two college degrees and my husband went to medical school with a full scholarship but quit for personal reasons. We are highly intelligent people yet we get treated like dirt by our neighbors.

We had a friend visit our home that lives outside the neighborhood and one of our neighbors came over and asked our friend if he was “moving in too?” Apparently we have too many people living in our home and our neighbors disapprove. It’s a 5 bedroom home, and only 3 individuals live in the house.

So this summer my husband decided to make some home improvements. He ordered supplies for new siding and windows and roof and had them delivered. The neighbors called the city claiming we don’t have a building permit. First of all, he hadn’t even STARTED fixing anything, the house was untouched. Just because we have supplies in our driveway doesn’t mean we need a permit if the house is still untouched. The city slapped a notice on our door (with the persistence of a neighbor or two) saying they would threaten legal action if we don’t get a building permit.

My husband went to the city, asked for a specific law that states that we are required to have a building permit for having materials in our yard. They had none. He got a building permit anyway just to keep them quiet. The lady at the front desk asked if it was a “quick flip” as far as fixing the house, he told her people in general need to mind their own business and walked out.

Needless to say the situation hasn’t gotten any better. If anything it’s gotten worse!

Ca1v1n Replies:

That totally sucks about your home getting raided. The funny thing is, I would bet that all your neighbours if asked would call themselves "Good Christians". Funny how their behaviour is anything but. Since they already think you are drug dealers I suggest your husband start wearing white suits and stand on the front step yelling "Say hello to my little friend" as people walk by.

Kyle from Detroit writes:

My wife and I moved into this beautiful old colonial house in a Detroit suburb. When we moved in the neighbor Randy was a nice guy we learned to trust him and even gave him a key to our home. One night about 4 months after we moved in I had a friend over and we were enjoying a couple of beers and smoking on the front porch having a conversation at a usual level (not being loud). Then the next evening at about 2:00 am Randy is drunk as a skunk yelling at the entire neighborhood and using racial slurs. My wife and I went out side to calm him down and send him to bed. When he looks directly at us and yells at us for keeping him up the previous night. Eventually the police show up and get him back into his house. The following morning I bought him a case of beer and left it in the backyard with an apology.

Ever scence then he has called the police on us at least once a week for nothing at all. I have seen him outside throwing tomatoes at my dogs and kicking the fence then calls the police because our dogs "run aggresivly at the fence". He called the cops because there was dog feces in our yard but we clean up the backyard every other day. One evening he called the cops because there was a stray dog in on his front porch barking so he said our dogs was making the noise. The police officer actually showed up and tried to give us a ticket. I explained that the dog was not ours and was still sitting on his front porch.

What can I do? The worst part of this whole thing is HE IS A RETIRED POLICE OFFICER.

Ca1v1n Replies:

First things first. Either get back the key you gave him or get new locks installed. Next thing you know he is planting drugs in your house and phoning in a "tip". Seriously however, I am at a loss. You gave the guy a case of beer and he gets worse? I thought everybody loved beer. It is like a universal peace offering. All you can really do at this point is kill him with kindness, but don't waste any more alcohol on him. I suggest decorative tea cosies and ornamental porcelain figurines.